Can’t Sink My Fangs Into HBO’s “True Blood”

“When you came in the air went out and every shadow filled up with doubt.   I don’t know who you think you are but before the night is through, I wanna do bad things with you.”the killer cool theme for True Blood by Jace Everett, part of a promise that hasn’t yet delivered.

I vant  to love “True Blood”  —  HBO’s latest show by Alan Ball, the brilliant mind behind “American Beauty” and  “Six Feet Under.”  Ball breathed new life into TV with Six Feet and I was cuckoo for caskets all 5 seasons.  So I was hungry for True Blood.  I craved a juicy juju… a gothic gumbo… but I aren’t satisfied.  My fangs are sharp and ready. My senses are heightened. I can almost taste the metallic taint of black soil & sticky sweet plasma.  But No.  The show has not tilted its head to offer up a gurgling jugular. True Blood is a tooth-tease. My incisors are an achy shade of blue. The pretense is promising: bottled blood gives vampiric barflys the freedom  to finally “come out of the casket.”  Set in the deep south, I figgered we’d see Ball gnashing his gothic chops; doing for vampires what he did for undertakers, creating complex characters with darkly gorgeous mindscapes.  I’m gonna make like a bat and hang in there, hoping to be sucked in,  but last night’s episode began with 10 long insufferable minutes. I was hating on it hard,  feeling there was nothing to feed on, when suddenly there came a scene that gave my vamp a little vim:

“What animates you no longer animates me.”

“What does animate you then?  Blood?  How do you digest it if nothing works?”

“Magic.  You think that it’s not magic that keeps you alive?  Just ’cause you understand the mechanics of how something works doesn’t make it any less of a miracle. Which is just another word for magic. We’re all kept alive by magic, Sookie. My magic’s just a little different from yours.”

Yummy!    I’ve often made that very same case for magic.   What is more magical than molecules?   We have blood in our veins and we make up age-old stories about night creatures who slurp that blood.   To be made of blood and teeth, of fancy and myth,   it just don’t get more magical than this.   So maybe I’ll learn to like that deadpan Drac yet… maybe he’s not such a irksome piglet after all.   Time will tell —  though unlike some,  I’m not immortal — so bring it on, Ball ’cause this bitch ain’t got all night.


“She can suck on sunlight for all I care.” — evil disco-afro vampiress

Heroes tonight!!!!  Hooray!!!

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

2 Responses to “Can’t Sink My Fangs Into HBO’s “True Blood””

  1. […] Blood Theme Song: “Bad Things” by Jace Everett I got lotsa hits on my blog about HBO’s vamire soap opera “True Blood” and from the searches y’all were doin’ to get there it’s clear you’re […]

  2. […] wasn’t loving True Blood, as I’ve said. The vampires aren’t sexy. They’re pasty, bald, downright nasty. Their teeth extend in […]

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