Nudie Palin Hangs (all) Out in Dive Bar

Amidst the clinking of beer mugs and the ping-ping of pinball machines is a proud Palin wearing her stylish specs, strappy red heels and not a lick more. She poses on a polar bear pelt and clutches a loaded rifle.  A spooked moose hides beyond Sarah Palin’s bare behind, hoping to disappear into the Alaskan landscape.  

Pervs for Palin -- just not for VP

Pervs for Palin -- just not for VP

The portrait of Palin, which hangs in The Old Town Ale House on Chicago’s North side,  is more Moona Lisa than Mona Lisa.  It only makes sense since Sarah Palin doesn’t have the intelligent gaze of Da Vinci’s masterpiece. Surely, Mona would’ve been able to get her BA in one clean shot. The only thing Palin can get in one clean shot is a moose and those suckers are huge!

Bruce Elliot put brush to canvas after developing a political crush. Not to put too fine a point on it, but Elliot was only attracted to Palin’s physical ass(ets) and not her politics. Elliot told the Chicago Tribune, “I had never heard of her before, like everyone else. I find her bizarrely fascinating, even though I pretty much despise everything she stands for.”

Now, thanks to Elliot’s artistic vision & bizarre fascination, Nudie Palin is gawked at by the drunken masses.  Twit au natural gets lots of attention despite having to compete with Elliot’s other off-color paintings & star-f*#Ker portraits (numbered in the hundreds.)

It might be a good time for Bruce Elliot to request some sexual favors from his wife, the bar’s owner. Maybe she could put her hair up, take a trip to Lenscrafters, practice her beauty-queen smile in the mirror, ’cause this fellow deserves a little bedroom role playing. After all, his painting of the skyclad VP Nom is bringing new faces into his lady’s (Re)pub — where they are probably downing countless pints of ale to drown their fears, mumbling beer-breath prayers. Please please don’t let this rifle-toting moose-snatch bitch be the future of our country. 

"I had never heard of her before, like everyone else." -- Bruce Elliot, pervy Plain painter

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

2 Responses to “Nudie Palin Hangs (all) Out in Dive Bar”

  1. […] Confesses to Dictator Aspirations” which is scary scary scary and the other titled “Nudie Palin Hangs (all) Out in Dive Bar” — needless to say, one of those posts got substantially more hits than the […]

  2. […] flocked in for icy mugs of brewsky and a lil’ look-see. (I posted a piece about the artist Bruce Everett and his nudie gun-toting Palin yesterday and it beat out one on McCain’sdesires to be a dictator. Scary.) So don’t […]

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