Sexy Mermaid Vay-Cay Get-a-Way (for Alice)

Alice has been fantasizing about “a luxurious, decadent, and totally out of reach beach rental in Florida, especially for Mermaids, I kid you not.”

“Mermaid Castle” is the oldest beach house in Crescent Beach, Florida. The house, once a small grove of cypress, sleeps 12 and is available for holiday rentals.

“Mermaid Castle” features a tiki hut, a jacuzzi and a swimming pool perfect for re-infusing our scaly tails with much needed moisture. Also — so we don’t get too homesick for Atlantis, which is such a sorrowful “itis,” just ask Alice — there are “breathtaking ocean views.”

It’s no wonder Alice is inspired to play hostess (with the mostess.) 

“What a tea party I would throw. Of course, I would invite the Mad Hatter, Foxy Trickster, and the illusive brown rabbit with the black spots.”

Did you catch that, sailors?

I’ve been given a sought-after invite to Alice’s tea party. That’s me, Foxy Trickster!

I just can’t wait to meet the Hatter. I hear he’s very, how do they say? Eccentric. Those are my people, y’know. The Eccentrics. Jonathan Zap calls us mutants, I call us mermaids. Some people say weirdos to which I say “Woo-hoo!”

Oh what a tea-party that would be!

There on Crescent Beach, sipping maitais outta porcelain teacups, stuck haphazardly with technicolor paper umbrellas. We’d munch on a rainbow array of Parisian macaroons shaped like swirly seashells. We’d play poker with oceanic ante: tiny starfish & coin-sized turtles with orange sherbet bellies. We’d nap in poolside hammocks as the pages (and our fins) flapped in the salty breeze.

Around midnight, we’d don sequin mini-dresses & fishnet stockings. We’d order dark rum ON THE ROCKS  and lure shy seaman, who would crash into us with the velocity of a tsunami.

Of course they’d be long gone come morning (er, some might call it “afternoon.”) We’d awake satisfied, dreamy-eyed and mop-headed. We’d gossip about the evening’s exploits as we lolled beneath paper parasols (like in our teacups, only big.)We’d flop our tails in the sunshine, trading sexy tips & naughty details.

“Like what?” you wonder, with your drawers a-stir.

Well….a mermaid never kisses & tells (outside of a tea party) but let’s just say that we use what our mer-mama’s gave us.

MMMmmm. Mermmmermermermermmm. Mmm.

Get it, knucklehead?

Mermaids are experts at fellatio!

(Or cunnilingus, for those of us who prefer femmes.)

>Wink wink < 


The painting “Fishnets” is by the whimsical & wonderful Nancy Farmer. Prints are available. If you have some time, lotsa time, swim on over to the artist’s site. Nancy Farmer must be a mermaid herself because you WILL get hopelessly ensnared. I once spent several hours in her “net” and when I finally came out of her sea-song trance my shirt was soaked with drool and I’d grown a fine set of demon horns. Be forewarned!

7 Responses to “Sexy Mermaid Vay-Cay Get-a-Way (for Alice)”

  1. zoetrope Says:

    It amazes me that you managed to use the word “ITIS” and so beautifully. You must read the dictionary like some people read the newspaper or trashy magazines. Everything you write sounds like a poem.
    It’s weird to say this because this is “just” a “blog” and I am a lifelong reader but these days you are my favorite writer hands down. I think it’s true what you said sometime back that CremeScene is something other than a blog but what it is exactly is hard to say. Alice called it a stew which makes sense b/c I am always stewing on your posts for days after reading them and when I re-read them I always notice something new.

    Don’t take that “just a blog” thing the wrong way. I only mean that it’s surprising to prefer a unknown or unpublished writer to other writers. Don’t be offended by that either. I’m not able to put my feelings into words I guess. I’m more of a reader than a writer.

  2. zoetrope Says:

    Oh and by the way, I’m dying of jealousy. I wanna be like Alice. I wanna go from reader to character. No fair!

  3. I “loved” the post, making my tea party come to life,and dedicating it to me, a big curtsy, some tail tapping, tea cup raising, and a big hug for you!

    BTW- I lost a few scales from side-splitting laughter thinking of those “shy seaman, who would crash into us with the velocity of a tsunami.” Enjoyed that imagery, very much, my tail got a bit moist after that one, I can tell ya.

    And, yes, I agree, mermaids are experts at fellatio, and actually like it too.

    Lastly, I agree with Zoetrope, you are a “mer-velous” writer, I think I will invite her to the tea party too, what ya think? Without readers, where would we be?

  4. alphabetfiend Says:

    Yay! Zoetrope, you got an invite!

    Thanks Zoetrope for the kindness. Yum yum. Eatin’ up with a spoon!

    (**Don’t worry, G*Word, my head isn’t too swelled…**)

    No, I really could not be more appreciative of such an enormous compliment. I’m a bookworm also so I well know the talent that’s out there so I don’t take such compliments without tremendous gratitude.

    Also, don’t fret, as we get to know eachother better I’m sure I will find a way to dote on you too. Just follow Alice’s example and let me know a little something about YOU rather than just lavishing love on me. (Not that I mind the love, mind you.) But I can’t return the favor when I’m not sure exactly how to spoil you. How can I compliment you on your fine sexy ass if you don’t moon me a little?

  5. alphabetfiend Says:

    I’m glad I goosed & juiced that tail, Alice.

    Ah, yes, I could use a crashing tsunami these days, in this summer heat. Or is it me that’s all hot & bothered?

    I love the mer-valous sweetness … can’t believe I didn’t think of that one! I’d kick myself if only I had legs. I’m usually the first one to come up with a goofy pun as eyes roll but I just let ’em roll cause I absolutely LOVE puns and silly word-play. I know many people consider puns passe but they’ll always be in vogue with me.

    My friend Darwin is always trying to get me to enter austin’s annual O’Henry pun-off but I fear I’d freeze up when it comes to competitive punting.

    I loved it on “True Blood” when the vamp called puns the oldest truest form of humor. My heart did a flippety-flip.

    You’re so right about mermaids liking fellatio! It’s true, we do. Indeed.

  6. alphabetfiend Says:

    Oops. Look’s like I added the “truest.” I double-checked my old post to make sure I’d quoted him correctly and no, I didn’t.

    “You have to remember that most Vampires are very old. Puns used to be the highest form of humor.”

    Here’s my post on the topic if yer curious.

  7. Oops, I guess I should have rechecked, took a wee bit of an edge off not exactly spelling the last part of “mer-velous vs mer-valous”– but you got the pun, yippee!

    Yes, by all means, do the pun-off, you freeze? I doubt it. Win one for us mermaids out there, okay?

    I will check out the post, after my gray cells, get some needed rest.

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