Archive for the Hooray for Choice! Category

Sarah Silverman sez “Get Granny to Vote Obama!”

Posted in Fame & Celebrity, Hooray for Choice!, I Heart Funny Femmes, I Heart My Love-Tribe, politics, Republicans scare me with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 11, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Sarah Silverman’s The Great Shlep is pure Jews-for-Obama genius.

Vote for Obama, gonna visit Grandmama.

Vote for McCain, to me yer a shit stain.

-S.S. (Super Sarah!)

Sarah Silverman saves the world! One Jew at a time.

Sarah Silver is my hero!

Sarah Silver is my hero!

Silverman was on “Countdown with Kieth Olberman” last night talking about her new political project, ie, plan to save the planet from total destruction and fight the evil-est villians yet.

Silverman brilliantly launched the internet sensation The Great Schlep which she discussed with Olberman last night, in addition to the usual crass naughtiness.

In The Great Schlep Silverman hilariously urges young Jews to visit their Grandparents in Florida (or wherever their elders may gather) to conduct intimate campaigns — poolside, over matzo balls, during television commercials. Wherever you can fit Obama in. Silverman suggests you sock ’em right in the heart! Don’t hesitate to use their love for you as a chance to sweet talk them into voting for Obama. Don’t pass up the opportunity to capitalize on their gratitude and joy at seeing your loving face. Sieze the chance to clear up some of the misconceptions they might have about the canidate with the odd sounding name. Hug them tightly, coo into their furry ears if you must. Alleviate their fears.

Spend quality time with your old people while increasing the quantity of democrat votes. Now that’s a win-win if there ever was!

 In fact, Jew or not, we should all be visiting to our Nanas or Poppys.

Haven’t you been meaning to see more of Mamaw anyway?

Obama: He’s Black Enough

Posted in Art & Culture, Feminism (Shades of Gray), Hooray for Choice!, I heart hip hop, politics, Rock & Roll with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2008 by alphabetfiend

“All I need is my blackness, some others seem to lack this.”

Schooly D says “Obama’s black enough!”

In light of last night’s “THAT ONE” comment made by McCain about Obama, I thought I’d post this most wondrous thing which I watched almost daily last spring. The McCain camp can turn the race screws and that might work on some but there’s tons of people out there who, like me, are absolutely giddy to see a black man this close to the White House. This is how change happens. Barriers are knocked down and change charges in. It’s not about politics for me so much as it’s about human rights. Race, yes. But also gay and gender rights. It affects all of us everytime one of us wins. So point out his blackness all you want Repubs. Yes, he’s black and it’s a beautiful thing.

McCain in Bush’s Pocket, Playing Pool

Posted in Hooray for Choice!, Mythos, politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2008 by alphabetfiend
Is McCain Bush's Bitch?

Is McCain Bush's Bitch?

The Obama Campaign has claimed that John McCain has voted with President Bush 95% of the time and, according to the Congressional Quarterley’s assessment of McCain’s voting record, that’s a fact.  I can’t bear any more Bush. I’m bushed! So that 95% has me freaked. And apparently I’m not the only one. According to a USA Today/Gallup poll, two in three Americans are also freaking. We don’t want a W’s mini-me to take over. We’re concerned that McCain’s policies are Bush’s policies and that McCain is just running for a third Bush term. Almost half — 49% — of us are “very concerned” that McCain is more of the same. He is. We should be worried. McCain was once his own man. Maybe he was even a “maverick” as he wont to boast. He hasn’t always had his hand in the Dub’s unzipped fly. Once upon a time he even balked at Bush. But no more. As Juan Cole said, “Both at home and abroad, McCain appears intent on abandoning some of his most deeply cherished personal values, including his commitment to secular values and distaste for religious bigotry, in favor of catering to the great W. coalition of white evangelicals and security-obsessed conservatives. Like Bush, his mantras are war and belligerence abroad.”  Well, that’s worrisome. We don’t want war and belligerence. We don’t want a man who would abandon his values. McCain ran in 2000 as himself and lost. To Bush. This time he’s running as Bush.

Dr. Evil Squared

Dr. Evil Squared

See that, we’re obviously all bothered by the resemblance because while trolling for piks, I found that someone had photo shopped a Bush-McCain mini-me. Perfect for this post but otherwise, a sad state of affairs.In an article titled “Want more Bush? Elect McCain” Helen Thomas wrote

“Sen. John McCain is moving to the right. McCain also has gone out of his way to cozy up to President Bush after their bitter rift in the 2000 presidential campaign. McCain is a strong supporter of the invasion and occupation of Iraq and believes the number of U.S. troops there should be beefed up. He is against abortion rights and gun-control laws and believes students should be taught the religion-oriented “intelligent design” theory of creation as well as the theory of scientific evolution. With his “hail fellow well met” persona and tendency to jaw with the media and pundits in the back of the campaign bus, he has created the impression in some quarters that he is a “moderate.” Forget it. His voting record speaks for itself.”

America loves mythos. McCain’s “Maverick” moderate POW good-soldier-hero white-man thang is something we wanna to hang onto. Some of us just can’t give up the ghost. Meanwhile, McCain slipped into Bush’s shadow with surprising ease. The gap between the mythos of McCain and the political reality is ever widening. After McCain cancelled his appearance on The Late Show, Letterman said, “This is not the John McCain I know, by God. This doesn’t smell right. This is not the way a tested hero behaves. A hero. An honest to God hero, an American hero, maybe the only actual hero that I know. I’ve met the guy, I know the guy. So I’m more than a little disappointed by this behavior. ‘We’re suspending the campaign.’  Are we suspending the campaign because there’s an economic crisis or because the polls are sliding.” Like Letterman, Margaret Cho gave voice to McCain’s mythos and the ways that we struggle to hold on to it. Cho blogged, “I am not voting for McCain. I hope that is obvious. I am sick of every one saying – ‘He was a good soldier. He was a good soldier. Um yeah. He was captured. So he was not that good.” The facade is crumbling. If McCain doesn’t honor who he used to be (or claims to be) then why should we?

In an amazing beautifully written Salon article titled “John McCain is George Bush” Jaun Cole wrote,

“In July of 2004, Bush abruptly announced that he was looking into whether Iran played a role in the Sept. 11 attacks on the U.S.  The whole fantastic set of allegations was immediately denied by Bush’s own intelligence officials. Hawkishness toward Iran was one way for Bush to take the focus off his failures in Iraq. Bush by his belligerence appealed to a combination of evangelical holy warriors and so-called national-security conservatives, and McCain seems poised to move in the same direction. Echoing Bush’s fear-mongering about the Islamic world, which by August 2006, two years after his reelection, regularly included references to so-called Islamic fascism, McCain maintains that the “transcendent” challenge facing the United States in 2008 is “radical Islamic extremism.” McCain alleges that “al-Qaida in Iraq” will “follow us home” if the U.S. withdraws from that country. McCain takes this line even though most Muslim countries are close allies of the United States and Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaida has been revealed to be a small fringe, now in disarray. McCain himself has joked about bombing Iran, to the tune of an old Beach Boys song.”

Remember that? Are you down with that? Do you want that in The White House? Do we want McCain’s insensitive, impulsive, petty finger on the button. Bush’s war has been a catastrophe. We can’t afford another war-monger. Especially one who, by his own admission, has always aspired to be a dictator and who thinks we should occupy Irag for the next 100 years.

Bush’s signature project has been the war in Iraq, which he has managed like a veteran Las Vegas magician, with a misdirection and legerdemain that can make a whole elephant disappear. Despite nearly 4,000 U.S. soldiers killed, 30,000 wounded, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis killed, millions displaced internally and abroad, the creation of a new and serious terrorism problem, high fuel costs at home, and the entire lack of any obvious benefit from the whole endeavor to the American people, more than 40 percent of Americans now say the U.S. is making progress in establishing civil order in that country. McCain went to the same David Coppersmith School of Prestidigitation as Bush. He says he is dedicated to nothing less than complete military victory in Iraq and the maintenance of bases in that country for as much as a century, and his audiences do not appear to break out in derisive laughter. (Juan Cole)

Ha ha he he ha ha heeee ha ha hee hee ho ho. he he he. Snort. snort. Sob sob sob. boo boo hoo. boo! boo!

Surely lack of health insurance for tens of millions, loss of good jobs, blighted cities like Detroit and New Orleans, and erosion of key civil liberties are a more “transcendent challenge” than the activities of small cultlike groups that are finding it harder and harder to operate on the soil of Middle Eastern and European allies of the U.S. But that’s not to say that McCain isn’t pushing a domestic agenda as well. McCain does have a domestic agenda. It’s George Bush’s. If he is elected, it will be “Groundhog Day,” the Bill Murray film about a character doomed to live through the same day over and over again. (Juan Cole)

Nooooooo! I hated that movie! I hated that President! I’m with Homer Simpson — it is time for a change, Homey.

Holy Suffering, BushMan!

Holy Suffering, BushMan!

Can you and your friends tell the difference between George Bush and John McCain? Take the Bush-McCain challenge!

Lori Gottlieb’s Shot Gun Wedding: She says Settle, I say “I Do” to Love

Posted in Feminism (Shades of Gray), Friendship, Hooray for Choice!, I Heart My Love-Tribe, Intuition & Gut Intelligence, Psyche & Sexuality, Romance, Romance & Relationships with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 7, 2008 by alphabetfiend

 

A friend of mine was bummed after discovering an article in the Atlantic that urged women to settle. She emailed it to me with a one-word message: “depressing.” After reading the tedious thing, I didn’t feel depressed so much as annoyed. The writer Lori Gottlieb might as well be holding a shotgun to women’s heads and shoving them towards the unsuitable mate that awaits them at the altar.  She thinks she knows what we all want and need.

“Ask any soul-baring 40-year-old single heterosexual woman what she most longs for in life. Most likely, she’ll say that what she really wants is a husband (and, by extension, a child). To the outside world, of course, we still call ourselves feminists and insist—vehemently, even—that we’re independent and self-sufficient and don’t believe in any of that damsel-in-distress stuff, but in reality, we aren’t fish who can do without a bicycle, we’re women who want a traditional family. Every woman I know—no matter how successful and ambitious, how financially and emotionally secure—feels panic, occasionally coupled with desperation, if she hits 30 and finds herself unmarried. Oh, I know—I’m guessing there are single 30-year-old women reading this right now who will be writing letters to the editor to say that the women I know aren’t widely representative, that I’ve been co-opted by the cult of the feminist backlash, and basically, that I have no idea what I’m talking about. And all I can say is, if you say you’re not worried, either you’re in denial or you’re lying.”
What a presumptuous A-hole. “If you’re not worried, get worried. If you’re happy where you’re at, you’re a filthy liar.” Here it comes: YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT. Obviously Ms. Gottlieb wishes she were a Missus who’d made different choices. That’s cool. It’s her right to assess her own life. But, if she’s made such a mess of things, should she really be giving the rest of us advice?
“My advice is this: Settle! That’s right. Don’t worry about passion or intense connection. Don’t nix a guy based on his annoying habit of yelling “Bravo!” in movie theaters. Overlook his halitosis or abysmal sense of aesthetics. Because if you want to have the infrastructure in place to have a family, settling is the way to go.”
I, for one, don’t want to be saddled with someone whose breath curdles. And a fella with no taste, no thanks. I’m a voluptuary who would be desolate if stuck with a man who couldn’t appreciate the gorgeous shoes on my feet — satin peeptoe wedges, the satin printed with swirling fishes. Who didn’t even notice as I ooed & ahhed over them.  Who wouldn’t then secretly order them and present them to me on my birthday with a card that read “Shoes for the mermaid who walks on land.” This man exists. But had I married previous suitors, what then?

“Those of us who choose not to settle in hopes of finding a soul mate later are almost like teenagers who believe they’re invulnerable to dying in a drunk-driving accident. We lose sight of our mortality. We forget that we, too, will age and become less alluring. Which is all the more reason to settle before settling is no longer an option.”

No wonder she gave my friend the blues. Frankly, it pisses me off. I want to grab my friend by her luscious shoulders and shake the shit outta her. Don’t listen to the fear-monger egg-hoarder Lori Gottlieb. Her creepy advice is misguided at best and dangerous at worst.

“By 40, if you get a cold shiver down your spine at the thought of embracing a certain guy, but you enjoy his company… is that settling or making an adult compromise?”

If my friend came home from a date and said “Yea, I enjoyed his company but then when he hugged me, I got the cold chills, whaddaya think?”  RUN!  Pump them knees, change your number, block his emails. Too often women ignore their guts out of misguided politeness or because they think they are being “shallow” when really their body is trying to tell them that something is veryy wrong. Maybe the guy’s a misogynist rapist or maybe he’s just a really bad match genetically. Or spiritually. We are animals with animal instincts/signals.

  1. Another friend had a guy pal who she wanted to dig. “He’s so kind and he really likes me, ” she’d say. One night she woke up in a ice cold sweat with a stomach full of stones to find him in bed with her. After months and numerous apologies, she finally gave in to his advances. He turned out to be a cruel bastard and a cheat. I was about to say “Your tummy told you so” when she burst out crying, “That night, my skin was crawling, I wanted to puke, I knew who he was. I always knew.”
  2. When my mom was a young reckless hitchhiker she accepted a ride from a guy who was handsome and charming. She settled into his V-Dub Bug and they began to chat congenially. She was thinking “What a nice guy,” when suddenly her whole body revolted against that thought.  She bailed but years later she saw a photo in the newspaper and recognized the handsome face. He was the infamous serial killer Ted Bundy. If my mom hadn’t listened to her inner-alarm, I wouldn’t even be here.
  3. I resisted the friendship of a girl who I found annoying and “ugly.” Her presense agitated me, her voice made my skin crawl. I struggled with immense guilt, grossed out by my own unkindness. When I yielded to her pursuit, things quickly spiraled into a terrifying single-white-female situation. Even in friendship, it’s a mistake to settle.

Lori Gottlieb’s advice is reckless and reeks of desperation. Don’t listen to her, listen to yourself. Don’t listen to your guilt, listen to your gut. This is the real world, with real dangers. It’s not an episode of “Friends.”

“And while Rachel and her supposed soul mate, Ross, finally get together (for the umpteenth time) in the finale of Friends, do we feel confident that she’ll be happier with Ross than she would have been had she settled down with Barry, the orthodontist, 10 years earlier?”

Rachael did lots of growing and changing in those ten years. And wasn’t Barry a total creepoid? Didn’t he pull some real skeezy stuff? I seem to recall something about Barry getting married but still trying to get into Rachael’s pants and then some weird vengeful ick at his own wedding right in front of the woman he was settling for. Which is the problem with settling. It’s not a good deal no matter how you look at it, for any of the parties involved.

It’s equally questionable whether Sex and the City’s Carrie Bradshaw, who cheated on her kindhearted and generous boyfriend, Aidan, only to end up with the more exciting but self-absorbed Mr. Big, will be better off. (Some time after the breakup, when Carrie ran into Aidan on the street, he was carrying his infant in a Baby Björn. Can anyone imagine Mr. Big walking around with a Björn?)

Aidan’s lucky Carrie didn’t settle. He wanted something else and he got it. Good for him. As for Carrie, it’s hard to say. Big did leave her at the altar but Carrie still chooses to deal with Big’s damage. For better or for worse. Carrie may not even want kids, in which case Big is a much better choice than Aidan ever was. Whose to say that even if Carrie had married Aidan that he wouldn’t have still gone on to fall in love with that baby-mama? Settling is strewn with sticky wickets.

“I’ll likely need to settle for someone who is settling for me…. My friend Alan justified his choice of a ‘bland’ wife with whom he shares little connection this way: ‘I think one-stop shopping is overrated. I get passion at my office with my work, or with my friends that I sometimes call or chat with—it’s not the same, and, boy, it would be exciting to have it with my spouse. But I spend more time with people at my office than I do with my spouse.”

Who want’s to be weighed down by someone who has “settled” for you and who shares more passion and spends more time with people at the office? What about that is “family friendly”? Let’s raise up some damaged kids who someday someone will settle for. The guy who gives you the shivers, with whom there is no sexual connection, maybe you will look back one day and say “Is it any wonder?” But it will be too late then. He’ll have already raped your daughter in her little girl gingham bedroom. From the time she was 5 ’til he she ran away and joined a cult at 15.  Sure, you want a partner in parenthood, but is the wrong partner better than none at all? How many childhoods have been shattered because selfish mothers believed a bad man was better than no man?  

“They, like me, would rather feel alone in a marriage than actually be alone. In practice, my married friends with kids don’t spend that much time with their husbands anyway, and in many cases, their biggest complaint seems to be that they never see each other. So if you rarely see your husband—but he’s a decent guy who takes out the trash and sets up the baby gear —how much does it matter whether the guy you marry is The One?

If you never see your husband and if what you know about him is “he’s a decent guy who takes out the trash” then what the hell is he doing in your home with your kids? Are you sure he’s a such a decent guy? Ask your daughter. She might know a lot more about him than you do. Ask your doctor when you go for that HIV test because if you’re not blowing him, who is?

In my formative years, romance was John Cusack and Ione Skye in Say Anything. But when I think about marriage nowadays, my role models are the television characters Will and Grace, who, though Will was gay and his relationship with Grace was platonic, were one of the most romantic couples I can think of. So what if Will and Grace weren’t having sex with each other? How many long- married couples are having much sex anyway?

If Grace had decided to spend her life with Will and raise a few kids, I’d say what I always say, “Hooray for Choice!”  Grace knows Will inside out. He’s a good person with a lot of love to give. And who says a family has to be what it’s always been? Lori Gottlieb says so. She’s not saying “grab a pal, raise some kids, be happy.” She’s holding a shotgun to your temple and saying “Settle. Or Else.” Will and Grace almost went that route, they came very close, but then they got swept up in romance and raised kids with their honey-pies. Either ending is acceptable. Hooray for choice! Goof love it. But Gottlieb says, “Don’t be choosy.” 

Screw that, I’m as choosy as it gets, I’m a modern girl that way. Over time I realized I was too much of an exhibitionist Ham to be with a jealous man, too wary to be with a sheltered mama’s boy, too liquid to be with a man who wanted to box me in (I leaked through the cracks and defied definition.) Eventually I met a man in the Laundromat. A punk rock Robot genius with a heart of gold. His take on this: “I used to wonder about you all the time but I never thought you actually existed. I thought I’d wait forever but I was waiting.” The vision he had of me defied all logic, where was that wierdo anyway? And then, one day, there I was — with 16 overflowing laundry baskets stuffed to the gills with silky bits — and wearing a vintage 1970’s Prostitutes Union t-shirt. He’d been waiting for me… so he was single. And I’d been picky… so I was able to pick him right out. You look really familiar. Don’t I know you from somewhere? 

Problem with your shotgun wedding is that someone's liable to end up a bloody mess.

Problem with your shotgun wedding is it's liable to end up a bloody mess.

Bitch, if you don’t get that shotgun out of my friend’s unbearably beautiful face, I’m gonna wrest it away and shoot you with it. Now Go. Go. And don’t come around here no more. Bang bang.

 Alphabetfiend is a writer & a prime choice luxury cut. Eat that!

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