Archive for the I like big butts & I can not lie Category

DWTS Exploited My Weakness for Cho

Posted in Fame & Celebrity, Goof & Glamour, Got My TV Eye On You, I Heart Funny Femmes, I Heart Robots, I like big butts & I can not lie, Strange Science, Style & Fashion, Technicolor Pop, Top 2% of Coolest Mofos, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2010 by alphabetfiend

When I first heard that Margaret Cho was on the new cast for DWTS, I was in the Austin audience at Margaret Cho’s performance at The Paramount. She was kvetching about being sore from all the dance practice.

My initial response was “Crap, now I have to watch that shit n’ shinola. Dancing with the stars? Ugg.”

Yet another reminder to never say never.

“Why must you?” you ask. Well, because I love Cho more than I hate DWTS. DUH! Don’t you?

C’mon! We gotta take Cho when and where we can get her. Whether it’s on Lifetime’s schlocky yet charming series Drop Dead Diva, doing the tango on DWTS, or live at The Paramount.

Plus we’ll get to see her mom, which features prominently and hilariously in Cho’s stand-up.

Now that I’ve resigned myself to my pitiful fate, I hafta say I’m really looking forward to seeing Cho in sparkles, sequins and spandex. While performing her stand-up, she was already sporting a street-wear version of DWTS style. She wore a loose silky tunic — one-shoulder, sequined — that showed off her gorgeous shoulder tats. She paired the sparkly tunic with American Apparel’s metallic spandex leggings in spaceship silver; grounding the get-up with a great pair of ass-kicker boots. Mmm. Rugged and mmm soft buttery leather and mmm.

Sorry. My clothes-lust kinda took over for a second there. Lemme wipe the drool from my chin and we’ll move on.

I’m gonna enjoy seeing her twice a week for as long as this lasts. Once she’s booted, I’ll be free but I’ll be bummed.

I just hope she does the Robot. Cause that would totally rock.

No go show Cho some love! Give her some sugars! Form a rallying crowd for her to surf through. Join Team Van-Cho. GO!

Mad Men Sexpot Gets Wooly for ETSY

Posted in I like big butts & I can not lie, Style & Fashion, Technicolor Pop with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 21, 2010 by alphabetfiend
If that luminous hottie on ETSY looks like steamy actress Christina Hendricks, that’s because she is Christina Hendricks.
 
 
FYI, to those men-folk among you with a nose for anything “Christina Hendricks”, but not much else, ETSY is the web phenom known to crafters as the place to sell one’s handmade wares. For fashionistas with a taste for the unique, ETSY is the # 1 go-to for a find that wasn’t cranked out in a factory.
 
 
 
Blackbird Design House hawked handmade scarves via ETSY, using Hendricks as model. You may be asking, “How can I get Hendrick’s to model my DIY?”
 
Answer: Tamara Mello, the gal behind the knitting needles, is a Hendrick’s pal.
 
The cozies looked sublime on Christina. Her milk-white skin was the perfect backdrop for some chunky, funky stitches.
 
 
 
Wrapped in lambsy fluff, her creamy throat looked lush.
And mm-mmm her smokin’ curves looked plush.
 
 
It warms the cockles of my heart that the emmy-nominated Hendricks, who plays Mad Men’s voluptuous working girl Joan Holloway, posed in the wooly wears for a friend. What a stand up gal!
 
 
 
It’s just like I always say, “It’s good to have gorgeous and generous gal-pals!”
 
Tamara Mello?
Tamara Mello’s name may sound familiar to hardcore fans of television mastermind Ryan Murphy.
 
Murphy — the man behind Fox’s famous “Glee” and FX’s “Nip Tuck”) may recall a WB show from way back called “Popular.”  Tamara Mello played petite & punky Lily Esposito, the sassy latina.
 
 
 
Also on “Popular”: Tammy Lynn Michaels, who recently refused to be bullied into break-up silence by her ex Melissa Etheridge, with whom she shares children.
 
For Murphy enthusiasts, “Popular” is worth watching on DVD. “Popular” is a “Glee” precursor where-in Murphy worked out some of the kinks in the teen-drama genre, and maybe some of his own teen angst. Fans of Murphy as an artist working in the medium of television will get a glimpse into the writer,creator and director’s creative process. Fans of “Glee” will see the progression of that idea in the days before anyone thought we were ready for weekly song and dance on TV. 
 
 
In addition to her shibori dyed scarves, Mello also makes felted trays and nesting baskets for her company Blackbird Design House. Hendrick’s did Mello a hell of a friendly favor. Hype hype hooray! People are emptying  their pockets while they gawk. Those rosy cheeks, that pouty pucker. It’s no wonder Mello’s knits have been selling out quick.
 
 
But my favorite, the one that falls like a bodice of snow drift, is still available. Mmmmm. Hmmm. Can I really justify a 130$ scarf when I live in sunny Austin?  Well, it was once on the delicious nape of a zaftig goddess, which is my very favorite kind of deity.
 
Do you s’pose osmosis works with pretty? Yummy? Supernaturally sexy?
 
If I drop the bucks will I drop dead gorgeous? 
 
*Technicolor Pop (aka Alphabetfiend aka…) is a slave to fashion with a  television vice; based in Austin, Texas.*

Gotta Lotta Bitches To Plow

Posted in Buxom Goo Goo, I Heart Funny Fellas, I heart hip hop, I like big butts & I can not lie, Technicolor Pop with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 10, 2010 by alphabetfiend

So have you been paying any attention to this surreal mo-fo, Mike O’Connell? The man is insanely hilarious, emphasis on the insane. For those of you who adore the absurd, Mike O’Connell is for you.

As Million Dollar Strong, Mike O’Connell teams up with Ken Jeong for the hysterical hip-hop send up “What’s it gonna be?” Normally, I’d quote some of it for ya but I think I’ll stay mum this time and let you get it as it comes.  OK! Just one! I can’t resist.

I think your ass looks delicious…
uhhh huhhh!!
I got ta get my dick in your britches…

Ah, such sweet poetry. OK, now, if you have anything in your mouth make sure you swallow cause it WILL come shooting out yer nose when you start cracking the hell up.

Real Dolls: Kinkster Deluxe for the Loaded & Lonesome (XXX)

Posted in I like big butts & I can not lie, Psyche & Sexuality, Sex & XXX, SPOOKY KABUKI, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2008 by alphabetfiend

“I am doll eyes
Doll mouth, doll legs
I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait.”
— Hole

Wendsday night’s episode of CSI New York — “Sex, Lies & Silicone” — involved a plot line about the Real Doll phenomenon. I don’t normally watch CSI but when I saw this trailer, I had my Ro-beau punch a few buttons on the tevo. 

If you’re out of the lurid loop, Real Dolls are eerily “realistic” life-size love dolls. Has Kelly Lebrock been in your spank bank since you were a pimply kid in the 80’s? Ever since you rented Wierd Science? Get you a slotted-piggy and start saving up. Well-to-do deviants can skip the piggy and go straight to  RealDoll.com  They can create their ideal woman as though they were Gary and Wyatt.  (I LOVED Wierd Science and can still quote Gary and Wyatt. Which may explain my obscene interest in this mad scientist insanity.)

This is not your horn-dog Uncle’s blow up doll. Real Dolls are high end silicone sex dolls with three fancy orifices. A Real Doll is the “Ferrari of love dolls, ” says Matt Krivicke, Creative Director of Abyss Creations.”It’s the most expensive highest quality love doll on the market.” If yer gonna pony up 7 grand for a poseable pin-up, you gotta do more than press your lips around the rubber valve and blow. You’ll need to make some tough choices.

At the Real Doll Web site you can choose among nine body types, 14 faces, five skin tones, six eye colors, a palette of makeup colors, 10 wigs, and three different pubic hair styles. Save your pennies, and for $6,499 plus shipping, you can have your very own synthetic woman sent directly to your home. (Salon.com)

Talk about some Bride of Frankenstein freaky-deek DELUX!

Um, lady, yer not planning on using that on me are you?

Serious afficonados of this luxury item– ” idollators” — often have a whole harem of faux femmes. Which is surely less complicated than having even one real girl.  

What kind of wierdo creepazoid would shell out dollars for a doll with a dick hole? The answer to that is all over the board. Even veering dangerously close to home.

Flinch at the notion of a man having sex with an imitation woman and classify him: lonely loser. Pathological creep. Misogynist. Potential rapist. Sicko. True enough, some men who have sex with Real Dolls are creepy, the kind of guys you wouldn’t want to be alone with. But not all. Many are simply lonely — some tragically so. Others are disfigured or infirm. Some are oddly sweet, like Davecat, for whom a Real Doll is a “teddy bear with benefits.” And others proclaim their normalcy and defend their Real Dolls as no different than a 3-D version of a Playboy centerfold. (Salon)

Hey, I know, let’s ask one of them c-zoids. This guy makes the case for Real Dolls, while also making your stomach lurch.

The Robot says Real Dolls are too bizarre to not want one. “If I was rich, I’d buy you one for your birfday, baby,” he once promised, which riled until he revealed his ace: they are available in magically delicious skin colors like alien green or sci-fi lavender. Oh hell yea! I’d sully that cartoon wench like nobody’s biz-ness. Which I suspect is the REAL reason why the Robot is keen on the idea of bringing a Real Doll home. (To the extent that he actually is. Which isn’t much, not 7 G’s much.)

I’m about to give details above and beyond TMI so if your easily offended, skip ahead. 

OK, here goes… 

Years ago I had this yummy dream where I was wearing a cartoonish strap-on dildo on the outside of my jeans, as like an accessory, to go with my thug-rolled dungarees & wife-beater tank. Until that dream I thought Freud’s penis envy was total bullshit. But goof knows I love to accessorize! I’ve wanted a strap-on ever since. I began to hint around and swore that I only wanted it as like a lewd jewel, to wear underneath a flouncy girl-bomb dress. A naughty secret stolen in a petticoat, tucked into frothy layers of tulle. I wanna frock out with my cock out!  He began to hint around that maybe he’d let me do more with my new toy. Yea, I know you, and you’ll end up wanting to ass rape me, which might be OK.  RB found a harness in pale pink leather — it’ll match yer Plush D afro! — and picked out a springy fleshy dong in translucent pink. When it arrived in the mail, it wasn’t as petite as he’d hoped. As I began to cock-strut around the house, lines of worry furrowed into his forehead. Yay! I wanna stick it in things!  Which is where a blue-skinned babe like trickster Krishna would come in damn handy. And no, don’t bother emailing saying you know just the gal-pal for me, cause I can’t cheat, not even with girls. I just don’t have the temperament for it.

In all honesty, I’d never spend 7000 bucks on a squishy hole when there’s other things to spring for: fingerless Chanel gloves, flouncy Miu Miu dresses, Anna Sui Kimonos, Phillip Treacy hats, Marc Jacobs platform pumps. Aaaaaahhhhh, mmmmmm. An ice cream trunk, a lazy hazy trip to Amsterdam, a steampunk laptop!  Oh oh oh YES! Besides, lube is cheap and men can be manipulated. I mean, men have open minds. Especially when it comes to all things bedroom.

With only 9 body types, I doubt they’d have the fleshy bouncy bottom of my lezbo dreams. If I’m gonna go gay, I want a big ‘ole booty that I can go to town on like I’m Tinto Brass on acid. A tiny Barbie bum is a serious deal-breaker.  And I’m not the only one for whom junk in the trunk is a concern. Check out this informational video about the Real Doll factory. Watch as Big C sez “I like big butts and I cannot not lie.” Or something to that affect.

Awww, what a happy ending, so sweet. Big C sweeps big-booty Judy off her feet. But was her booty really that big? Size 6 big just ain’t BIG enough for me!

“I am doll parts
Bad skin, doll heart
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
He only loves those things because he loves to see them break
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake”
— Hole

So, how creepy was this post? Man oh man, are you gonna have some weird (wet) dreams tonight! SPOOKY KABUKI strikes again!

Sita Sings the Blues: 1920’s Cartoon Bollywood Love Story

Posted in Art & Culture, Goof & Glamour, I Heart Tricksters, I like big butts & I can not lie, Movies & Movie Stars, Mythos, Romance & Relationships, Spirituality & Religion with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2008 by alphabetfiend

I was enchanted by the film “Sita Sings the Blues” from the moment I laid eyes on a movie-still in the film fest catalog, which I spotted while peering over the shoulder of a strange man. We were in line to see an pre-screening of W and I hadn’t brought my own reading materials. I was trying to be covert but the image of Sita threw me off. I began to coo and tug at the man’s jacket. He tried to turn the page and I protested. Sita didn’t sing to him like she did me.

The imagery is definitely girly in a wondrous, playful way. It set off the glam clang that tolls in my soul. The colors, the costumery, the romantic gossip of three shadow puppets, the monkey warrior, the blue-skinned bad boy whose only bad cause he’s so good, the 1920’s jazz music (throaty vocals of old Annette Hanshaw recordings.) Imagine the saturation of Bollywood in a sacred cartoon.

There’s masculinity at work too, which is very true to Indian myth. The feminine and masculine swirl together visually as the love story unlooses. Nina Paley made an odd choice when she decided to tell the story using 3+ styles of illustration/animation. I wasn’t sure at first because I fancied one in particular — the one used in the scenes where Sita belts out Hanshaw’s obsessive blues songs. The Robo-boy said, “It looks like psychedelic punk rock! Like Shag goes to Bollywood.” Of course! If Shag departed from his usual tiki triptychs or beatnik depictions of mods living the good life. If Shag shifted from all things hipster to all things trickster. The animation’s delightfully familiar yet deliciously fresh. Mythic & modern. Which is why the different styles idea grew on me. It spoke to the multi-faceted aspect of reality. We all paint our own stories, from our own unique perspectives. Archetypes and myth have been with us through cultural changes, beauty ideals, value shifts. There is always a mutation of myth as the story is lobbed. The morphic field fattens as the myth grows. It was quite insightful really, on Paley’s part, to present the same two characters with staid antiquity in one moment and whimsical agony the next.

This eternal essence of human energy was also evoked through the use of 1920’s jazz recordings. The gods are always with us, wherever and whenever  we are. They create and re-create as we move through our unique versions of the world. Through us, they live a mirrored infinity of lives. The heartbreak of the goddess is carried like a torch — her heartbreak is our heartbreak. Why, our heart break is so profound an ache, so original a shiver, that it must be the drama of an ancient deity. Thus the modern, apparently autobiographical, story of “Nina” and the enormity of her hurt. Which brings me to my one critique — why did the goddess of 2008 have to be so dull? So dumpy? It was out of place in such a stunning, glamorous film and it didn’t have to be that way. In fact, the beauty who sat beside me is a heartbroken goddess and damn if she doesn’t look like one. With a head of hair not unlike Sita’s fabulous mane.  Next to sensual Sita, “Nina” was just a lumpling with female pattern baldness and a proboscis like Wimpy from Popeye. Sunday Comics’ Cathy is sexier than “Nina.” And more likeable. Maybe it’s just me but I like my mortals to have a little oomph. Especially next to luscious Sita who sounds like a jazz diva, has a belly dancer’s wiggle and possesses the crackling aura of a silent screen star.

I love cartoons especially when they’re for grown-ups. I prefer my XXX animated. There’s none of that here, but with Sita’s sexy moves it wasn’t hard for my mind to go there. I wouldn’t be surprised if a Sita+Rama sex tape surfaces. I can’t wait! I love nothing more than a mythic beasty-man so a tantric hunk with skin the shade of laffy taffy? Hell yea!

It wasn’t just Sita’s man that had me lusty. That chick had some fine loot! Exotic saris, bling galore, a flying bed, a peacock gramophone.

When she held a banana up to her ear, my heart panged for my 7th grade banana phone. If only I still had that phone I could take all my calls like a curvaceous Indian love goddess. Speaking of cool stuff — when this baby comes out on DVD one of y’all beloveds better wrap it up in a turquoise bow for me. I must have access to this film at any hour of the day or night. When I’m hurting, I can play “count the crowns” while wearing a rhinestone tiara. That’ll make my skull tingle and my heart soar. At 3 am, when I need some mental glitter, I can pop it in and SPARKLE.

“Sita Sings the Blues” is a a magical telling of the Indian epic myth Ramayana. (“The Greatest Break-up Story Ever Told.”) Sita’s too good for Rama but don’t bother tellin’ her that! The mythic masterpiece was written, directed, produced, designed and edited by one extreme talent — Nina Paley. If you want to learn more about this amazing film, check out the website  or peek in on Nina Paley’s blog here on wordpress.

Peggy Hill in Flint’s Palin Porn: hot XXX mess. (adult content)

Posted in Goof & Glamour, I Heart Funny Femmes, I like big butts & I can not lie, politics, Porn Stars are Peeple too, Republicans scare me, Sex & XXX, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2008 by alphabetfiend

I told you that Larry Flint was making a Palin porn and then I told you that he’d pegged Peggy Hill to “play” Palin.  I thought for sure that Hank, being the King of his Hill, would never bite. Looks like I was wrong! I don’t know how Flint managed to talk The Hills into this, no doubt Peggy’s insatiable ego came into play. Peggy’s done porn before but only in foot fetish films. This is her first foray into full-spread freakdom. Fortunately (or maybe not) Peggy is familiar with her co-star: her father-in-law Cotton Hill was brilliantly cast as John McCain. 

The resemblance is uncanny! Pretty f#%kin' scary!

Palin & McCain are one hot ticket!

I may be biased. I’ve previously confessed a dirty cartoon fetish (which is pretty weird as I’m very often told that I resemble Betty Boop.) I think Flint’s new project is pure genius. There are plenty similarities beween The Hills family and McCain-Palin. Peggy is perfect as Palin! Absolutely. They both hear “dumbass” and retort with “Why, yes, I am a genius.”

Plus, Peggy has Palin’s homespun vernacular down.

Peggy’s porn star turn is doggone hot,  I tell you whut!

Peggy! We never knew!

Peggy! We never knew!

It’s nice to see Peggy released from her usual get-up. Green tank and skort begone! She took to her pink feather boa like a practiced XXX starlet and eased right into her role as pervy Repub Sarah Palin.
A change from her usual green shirt

Peggy Hill makes one hell of a pornstar!

Who knew Peggy Hill was such a nympho-licious nincompoop?
They don’t call her “The Boggle Champ” for nothin!!!! 
Hank has the heebies

Hank has the heebies

Hank had no idea what he was getting into when he volunteered to “man the tools.” 

Okay, I’ll come clean (if that’s possible) and point out the obvious — Peggy Hill is not actually the new star of Flint’s Palin porn, reportedly called Nailin Palin. The real Palin-player is Lisa Ann and she is not pixilated. Darn! Although I’m sure that the rest of you will find her a more suitable pornstar than Peggy Hill. But if, like me, you dig this toon version, then hop over to drawnsex.com to see more cartoon obscenity from the folks who brought you the above images of the Hills in compromising positions. The Hills aren’t the only toons those freaks at drawnsex.com have sullied. Seriously. You will never look at Snow White the same way again. Or maybe you will… if you have always imagined that her straining bodice becomes ferociously unloosed by horny dwarfs who then feast on her snow-white flesh.

Goof-speed, kinksters.

Box o’ Palin Porn-flakes

Posted in Cinema & Filmmaking, I like big butts & I can not lie, politics, Porn Stars are Peeple too, Sex & XXX, Sexuality with tags , , , , , , on October 11, 2008 by alphabetfiend

For those mornings when yer hungry for a hot steaming bowl o’ moose muff.

Is Palin McCain's "lucky charm"?

Is SP McCain's Lucky Charm?

I told you perverts that Palin puts Cunt-ry first!!! Did I not?

 The Pitbull’s gonna do it doggie-style, doggonnit!
 
I don’t know if this is Larry Flint’s Palin project cause his was supposed to be called “Nailin’ Palin.”
 
Arg, I’ve written far too much about Palin and porn and Palin in Porn in the last 2 weeks. So I’m gonna let it ride. (giggety.) I’ve had so many giggeties lately, I’m starting to feel like Family Guy’s rez kinkster Quagmire. If you want more content (suuuure ya do, o-yeah, I believe you) then check out my more lengthy post with giggeties aplenty, (Ala)Skin Flick: Larry Flint to Make a Palin Porn or if you’re just more interested in the hottie Flint cast to “play” Palin (yeaaa, now that’s more like it) go peek at the porn star version of Palin on Peggy Hill to Star in Palin Porn. Other than that I’ve got nothin’ more for ya’.
It’s midnight on a Friday and I have porn of my own to watch. 
 
Wet dreams!
 

“Dub & Dumber” — a hip hop attack on W politics

Posted in I heart hip hop, I Heart My Love-Tribe, I like big butts & I can not lie, politics, Rock & Roll, Romance & Relationships, Sex & XXX with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2008 by alphabetfiend

After yesterday’s post about the similarities between McCain & Bush — “McCain in Bush’s Pocket, Playing Pool” — I got to thinking about how bad another Bush would really be. It would either kill is or burn us to the ground so we could start anew (an Alexander Cockburn perspective.) Quality of life since Bush took office has steady declined which is not about economics but about a collective broken heart. I decided to dig up this rap a la my hip hop alter ego Plush D.  Can’t take no more of Dub & Dumber!

Bush's White House is a perfect fit for wanna-be Dictator McCain

Bush's White House is a perfect fit for wanna-be Dictator McCain.

Dub & Dumber  (A Rhyme attack by Plush D. Pow!)

The White House casts a shadow on our home.

In this, I know I’m not alone.

Our rooms reverberate with riot.

Outrage, fear, fret.

No PEACE, no quiet.

Alla dis has got my baby on a bummer,

can’t take no more of Dub & Dumber.

 

Eight too-long years of crime & con,

the Ugly Duckling ate its swan.

They lit the wick,

they dropped the bomb,

blew countless homes asunder.

Can’t abide by Dub & Dumber.

 

TV, radio, dot.com

anxious obsession, defeated depression,

safe to say I miss him.

Tho beautiful, these beloved breasts are no distraction

from feuds & warring factions,

trumped up “weapons of mass destruction,”

ignorant assumption.

Today a fighter, once a lover.

Had my fill of Dub & Dumber.

 

Why is our Mr. President

massaging the shoulders of the German Chancellor?

Tho she cringes with discomfort,

he’s self-imposing as a cancer.

If Cheney shoots his friends,

how’d you like to be his enemy?

We need free

We need free

Fuck their careless tyranny!

It’s sick how they inflict such trauma.

We need free of Dub & Dumber.

 

Took a sunset cruise in the car,

got more sad news on NPR,

an old-fashioned luxury anyhow,

gas prices climbing like they are.

Cause killing is commerce,

gross insatiable blood thirst.

Their agenda always comes first.

How I long for the old days,

basking in his green-eyed gaze,

a softness where I used to laze,

felt so pretty, so safe, so warm,

but now his brow is war-torn.

The White House, a blackness in our home,

evicted, eviscerated, all alone,

windows rattle with foreboding thunder.

They’re murderers, them Dub & Dumber.

 

Babes in arms,

I used to be one, sigh.

Give a teenager a gun.

Good idea.

Fitful sleep, dream of sirens,

sweaty sheets, bloody palms.

We go along to get along.

I never agreed to this.

I never wanted this.

I said no to this.

I’m ashamed of this.

Raise yer hand if yer pissed.

Say  “MISSISSIPPI GODDAMN!”

But this shit aint never been about us.

When the rain pours down,

they let us drown.

Too busy killing to protect us.

They left that city to sink under.

Just can’t trust that Dub & Dumber.

 

I hate it,  all of it,

the sick & twisted gross of it,

suspicious recounts,

voters locked out,

nepotism like a virus.

Stole the god-forsaken office,

then forced a war upon us,

wielded fear like a weapon against us.

Terrorism!  A grenade of a word!

How could we have allowed this?

Tirades at TV!

Curses at computers!

Riled at Radios!

Stuck inside our own homes.

Suddenly everyone’s a loner,

isolation courtesy of Dub & Dumber.

 

He got a white house havoc in his heart,

after I fixed that shit up so nice, made it homey.

Used to lounge around in it,

genie in her bottle,

now it’s chaos something alful.

It’s cause he cares but still.

He naps, astral travels to Iraq,

that’s not exactly restful,

and less & less of him comes back.

Some kind of creepy death pact.

Got somethin’ to say,

maybe a goofy antidote about yer day?

Well, take a fucking number.

So goddamned sick of Dub & Dumber.

 

Eight too-long years,

titties sag, hopes lag,

and someone sez “if you don’t like it, leave.”

Please!

Stand up & call it bullshit!

Don’t be afraid to name it.

That’s what makes a patriot.

One more thing, I probably shouldn’t mention it —

but is mine the only  man whose lost his taste for bush?

 

C’mon lover, turn off the TV.

Now whaddaya see?

Baby, it’s me, Plush D.

Howzabout a little bed-in for peace?

All I am saying is give me a chance.

A lennon-esque healing,

a laying-on of the hands.

I’m yours, you yoko-ono me.

 

Gonna cast my vote for Obam,

maybe then I’ll get a little som-som,

ease the heartbreak in my home.

High time the White House had some hue,

a leader with audacious hope & high IQ.

Dub is done.

Impeach!

Impeach!

Impeach!

Peaches say, “IMPEACH!”

Peltz has cocked her gun.

IMPEACH! IMPEACH! IMPEACH!

I’m Peaches Peltz and I approve this message!

Marge Simpson & Mona Lisa Merge in Modern Art

Posted in Art & Culture, Goof & Glamour, I like big butts & I can not lie, politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , on October 4, 2008 by alphabetfiend
The beauty of the blue beehive.

The beauty of the blue beehive.

In honor of Homer voting for Obama  (I’m so proud of you, Homie)  I thought I’d post Nick Walker’s ode to Marge. Gotta love Mrs. Simpson! Marge is Homer’s better (far superior) half.  I love this piece.  Though maybe not as much as I love Moona Lisa, which brought in a surprising six figures at a recent Bonham’s Auction. Moona involves bare booty and I do love the booty.  Walker’s Marge is a wondrous thing.  Wouldn’t it look killer cool in one of those all-white modern pads filled with Lucite tables and bubble chairs, hung on a clean wall in lieu of a plasma TV? A sharp rectangular sofa piled with a pyramid of blue circle pillows; they’d never be out of place ’cause who’d dare to sit there? That’d be amazing in a magazine but that would never be me. I love candy pink, dandelion yellow, sea-monster green & glittery violet.  I’m too messy to ever be minimal, which is for the best since I can’t afford  a mid-century modern furniture habit. Lately, I love TV too much to ever give it the boot. So if you like minimal, there’s a free interior design tip. Just thought you’d enjoy a little Friday night art-peek, a small rest from the political ballyhoo. And now for a little of that TV I’ve grown so fond of…

We love you, Marge!

We never doubted your vote.

We always knew you weren’t a racist idiot.

Marge isn't falling for yer chirpy you-betchas, lady.

Marge isn't falling for your chirpy you-bethcha's, lady.

 

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

(Ala)Skin Flick: Larry Flint to Make a Palin Porn

Posted in Feminism (Shades of Gray), I like big butts & I can not lie, politics, Porn Stars are Peeple too, Psyche & Sexuality, Rock & Roll, Sex & XXX with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Yet another craning look up Sarah Palin’s (mini)skirt*….

"No one's been mocked more than Sarah Palin, since Jesus Christ hit the earth." -- Austin's own, Kinky Friedman

"No one's been mocked more than Sarah Palin since Jesus Christ hit the earth." -- Austin's own, Kinky Friedman

Larry Flint is looking to tap (giggety) America’s indecent interest in the Repub VP Nom. Flint’s famously x-rated mind has hand-picked (giggety) a Palin look-a-like to star in his political project.

Flint better get this out out ASAP

Flint better get this sucker out out ASAP

      Larry Flint has fought hard for his rights and sacrificed hugely which has made him an unlikely American hero. Like it or leave it, Flint is definitely a freedom loving freedom fighting American. Maybe you wish he had less freedom but I hope not because that would make you less American than Mr. Flint.
      In College, when devouring Women’s Studies classes, I wrestled with my views on porn. I asked myself “Did I hate Larry Flint?” so I learned more about him. Eventually, as my freedom affords, I made up my own mind on the issue. Porn just isn’t my thing aesthetically. I like a few pounds and a few pubes on a woman and the men….well, a beautiful member doesn’t make for a beautiful man. Now a dirty cartoon complete with sound effects & ample bouncy booty, that’s more like it. I’m too playful and cerebral to enjoy mainstream porn. I’m more of a Tinto Brass kinda girl. (The bicycle scene in Frivolous Lola is some juicy delish!)
      Still I kinda love Larry Flint.
      I admire his voice if not his vision.
      I choose pervy Larry over the hatred that left him paralyzed. I’d rather spend a tropical vacation with Flint than with the a-hole who shot him. He’s more my kinda people. I’ll take a tenacious kinkster over a violent hater every damn time.
      As for the argument that porn is violence against women, I just refuse. I don’t think we should be making any excuses for violent offenders. Violence is a choice. When a rapist rapes, the only person who is robbed of choice is his victim. I don’t give a damn if my man subscribes to Playboy or if Flint publishes Hustler but rapists are scum whose issues run much deeper than their jack-stash. If you think I’m “part of the patriarchy” for having my own opinion then maybe you need a jack-stash of your own. I recommend Tinto Brass. (Especially if you’re an ass-man. Or booty-lady, either way, if you love the bum rent some Brass.)
No wonder Palin has "energized the Republicans"*

No wonder Palin has "energized the Republicans"*

      As usual, Larry Flint has his finger on the pulse-pulse of America’s privates. We’re obviously quite titillated by this stranger they call Sarah Palin. In Chicago, a painter hung a nude portrait of Palin in a pub and folks flocked in for icy mugs of brewsky and a lil’ look-see. (I posted a piece about the artist Bruce Everett and his nudie gun-toting Palin yesterday and it beat out one on McCain’s desires to be a dictator. Scary.) So don’t blame Flint, blame yer grand-dad or your uncle or yourself. We’re Americans! We reserve the right to sexualize our VP nominees. (So far Margaret Cho’s done it best.)
      We do it because we don’t know what else to do with her. Sarah Palin is an unqualified nobody who stumbles over the simplest of policy questions. (As I write this, Katie Couric is on the CBS news saying “The polls show that Governor Palin is declining in her ability to understand complex issues.”)  Sarah Palin has nothing to say so our minds wander and our eyes stray… we wonder “Hmm, hows’zer rack?”  What else are we supposed to do with a dumb as rocks beauty queen turned PTA mom turned mayor of nowhere who wants to strip us of our rights?
      Palin wants to strip us of our rights, so we wanna strip Palin of her clothes.
She's perty...
      If the Repubs didn’t want us to objectify Sarah Palin they should’ve nominated someone who brought more than pretty to the podium. Alas. I blame that old horndog McCain. He started it! Someone brought him a stack of files and he picked the one with the hottest photo. It was an easy choice for the man with a lifesize Barbie. McCain’s Missus even moves like a Barbie doll. I suspect he used his military clearance to put a perfectly-coiffed plastic Barbie into a top-secret machine and then pressed the button that said “Big.”
      Fortunately for Flint, porn can be shot in an afternoon. It shouldn’t be too hard to hustle up some red stripper heels, a polar bear pelt, a loaded rifle and a moose who shits himself. Tell the “actress” to swing by Lenscrafters on her way.  It should be shot-shipped-&-edited by Friday.  Just in time for a Saturday’s bored & bothered self love session. Flint will act quick. He’ll have to. Palin’s 15 minutes are almost up. GULP. I hope.
      For the sake of alphabetfiend, I’ll watch it but I REFUSE to enjoy it. Sure, I’ll laugh my ass off but that’s ALL my ass is getting. Unless we pop in a little Tinto Brass afterwards, y’know, cause it’s Saturday and we’re bored. Here at the Dollhouse, we’re more psyched to see Homer vote for Obama.  The Simpsons’ episode won’t air until November 2 but the Palin porn may be at yer door this Saturday morn. Enjoy!
Palin was mentioned to capture the feminist vote but got the "giggety" vote instead.

Palin was meant to capture the feminist vote but got the "Giggety" vote

*Aside from the shoulders up b&w photo the rest of these Palin piks are obviously doctored; in fairness & feminism, check out the Palin Sexism Watch.
*As Katie Couric said on CBS news.

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

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