Archive for the TV Category

DWTS Exploited My Weakness for Cho

Posted in Fame & Celebrity, Goof & Glamour, Got My TV Eye On You, I Heart Funny Femmes, I Heart Robots, I like big butts & I can not lie, Strange Science, Style & Fashion, Technicolor Pop, Top 2% of Coolest Mofos, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 21, 2010 by alphabetfiend

When I first heard that Margaret Cho was on the new cast for DWTS, I was in the Austin audience at Margaret Cho’s performance at The Paramount. She was kvetching about being sore from all the dance practice.

My initial response was “Crap, now I have to watch that shit n’ shinola. Dancing with the stars? Ugg.”

Yet another reminder to never say never.

“Why must you?” you ask. Well, because I love Cho more than I hate DWTS. DUH! Don’t you?

C’mon! We gotta take Cho when and where we can get her. Whether it’s on Lifetime’s schlocky yet charming series Drop Dead Diva, doing the tango on DWTS, or live at The Paramount.

Plus we’ll get to see her mom, which features prominently and hilariously in Cho’s stand-up.

Now that I’ve resigned myself to my pitiful fate, I hafta say I’m really looking forward to seeing Cho in sparkles, sequins and spandex. While performing her stand-up, she was already sporting a street-wear version of DWTS style. She wore a loose silky tunic — one-shoulder, sequined — that showed off her gorgeous shoulder tats. She paired the sparkly tunic with American Apparel’s metallic spandex leggings in spaceship silver; grounding the get-up with a great pair of ass-kicker boots. Mmm. Rugged and mmm soft buttery leather and mmm.

Sorry. My clothes-lust kinda took over for a second there. Lemme wipe the drool from my chin and we’ll move on.

I’m gonna enjoy seeing her twice a week for as long as this lasts. Once she’s booted, I’ll be free but I’ll be bummed.

I just hope she does the Robot. Cause that would totally rock.

No go show Cho some love! Give her some sugars! Form a rallying crowd for her to surf through. Join Team Van-Cho. GO!

Today’s Secret Word is “Barfday”

Posted in Art Lover, Dork Alert, Goof & Glamour, I Heart Funny Fellas, In Celebration of the Absurd, Star F*#ker, Style & Fashion, Technicolor Pop, Top 2% of Coolest Mofos, TV, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 28, 2010 by alphabetfiend

Happy Freakin’ Barfday, Peewee!

Hooray! It’s Peewee Herman’s birthday! Don’t know how old he is, don’t care. It hardly matters. Peewee’s oddly timeless.

I adore Peewee Herman and count him among the top 2 % coolest mofos (of the magical sort) on planet Earth.

I worship the H*Man. So I was damn sure gonna celebrate his birthday with sacred acts of tom-foolery. To keep my play pure, I’d —  of course! — avoid all adult responsibilities while evading mind-numbing normals.

I’d planned an ambitious day of play;  loll about on chatty chairs, ram things with my shiny pink bicycle. (A virtual valentine of a bike!) 

I was gonna cater to the id.

But I couldn’t let the day pass without wishing Herman a happy Barfday.

Barfday?

AAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!

I meant to say that! Barf barf barf day!

Happy Barfday, Mr. Peeee-weee… happy barfday to you.

Hope the day was good to you.

Hope the playhouse is over-flowing with cake, frosting, bows, balloons, jewels, cash, pills. And, of course, psychedelic butterflies with google eyes who’ll quickly morph — as needed — into bowties. So many dandy-fop bowties! In a neon rainbow of hues!

Hope Capt. Carl & Cowboy Curtis treated you to a tequila shot or two.

Hope Miss Yvonne spoiled you with a “gentleman’s choice” — whatever that means.

Hope your birthday (so far) has been really freakin’ cool.

Psst.

Today’s secret word is “barfday.”

********************************************

Yes, I was including wordpress among adult activities, what of it?

*The cubist Hermans are by Tommervick, whose modern take on cubism has reconfigured everyone from Elvis to Mr. Rogers. Spock too. I swear.

The Party’s Over — Starz (stupidly) Cancels “Party Down”

Posted in I Heart Funny Fellas, I Heart Funny Femmes, Star F*#ker, Technicolor Pop, TV, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 4, 2010 by alphabetfiend

My highschool sweetheart worked for a catering company during the four years we were together, which means he used to come home stinking like prime beef and twice-baked potatoes, looking EXACTLY like the cast of “Party Down.” Same white shirt, same black pants, same pink bow-tie. I’d lie in bed watching for his headlights on my ceiling, exhaling as he pulled into the driveway. We had only a few stolen moments before he’d be expected home, just long enough for a quick whiff of that bow-tied nape and crusty shirt. Mmmm. That catering job afforded him many opportunities for romance. 

While cleaning up, he’d sometimes pocket discarded wedding favors or sachets of hershey kisses. I’d ooh and ahh as though I’d always yearned for my very own ceramic swan-couple, dual necks curving into a heart.  One night he called to say he hadn’t had time to stop by and could I please bring his shoes in from the porch because it was raining and surely they’d smell like ass if left in the rain? Disappointed, grumbly and thinking “Those shoes already smell like ass,” I wound down the dark stairs. There, on the covered porch, with the rain pelting the eaves, was at least a dozen different flower arrangements in creamy shades of peach & pink. In the spirit of young love, the bride had gifted them to my beau. He’d coasted into my drive with his lights off, knowing my tendency to watch the ceiling, and had carried them on tip-toe to the porch. How, I don’t know! It took me nearly an hour to drag them all inside. In the morning my younger siblings were amazed at the almost funereal floral display, certain I must be a princess with my very own prince.

I sooo wanted to write an episode of “Party Down,” recreating that moment of recycled romance, but that will never happen now thanks to stupid stupid Starz execs. 

Starz has cancelled the clever show about pink-collar workers.

It’s kind of infuriating actually, not just because I’ll never get to try my hand at that script, but because it was a good show with a great cast and endless possibilities. Cast members could come and go and yet it made perfect sense because the service industry is like that. Each episode featured a different catered event there were amazing opportunities for cameos or guest-star turns.

The cast was a hilarious ensemble of comedic talent:

* Megan Mullally (pill-popping Karen from Will & Grace)

*Jane Lynch (Sue the lunatic cheerleading coach on Glee; Joyce the love-lorn lesbo lawyer on L-Word.)

*You probably recognized Ken Marino from funny projects like Reno 911, Stella and The State (as well as will-act-for-food gigs on Angel, Charmed or Dawson’s Creek.)

*I really liked Casey’s Lizzy Caplan in a short-lived sitcom called The Class but you’re more likely to remember the actress  from Alan Ball’s HBO vampire hit True Blood — Caplan played Amy, the crazy cracky nut-job who dated Jason (Sookie’s bro) and couldn’t get enough vamp-blood.

*The always goofy Jennifer Coolidge who went through various transformations — and monikers — on Nip/Tuck.

*Kristen Bell (Heroes, Veronica Mars)

*The funny-as-shit Ken Jeong (Community, the movie Hang-over and Million Dollar Strong, Jeong’s hip hop project with Mike O’Connell.)

*Perhaps most exciting of all, Martin Starr is all grown up since his days as the terminally nerdy Bill in Freaks & Geeks (another BRILLIANT but canceled show which has gained cult status since its unceremonial cancellation after just one AWESOME season.)

In addition to all the talent on-screen, actor Paul Rudd was a contributing creator of “Party Down.” It’s hard to believe that Starz would cancel a show with so much critical acclaim and buzz. It’s not like the cable network has much else to offer in the way of original programming. Sure, not a lot of people were watching the show but that’s because no one had heard about it. People were finding out! Viewership would’ve increased over time. These networks expect us to have patience as they present new programming but they have no patience themselves. It’s no wonder that more and more people are waiting to watch stuff on DVD or Hulu rather than subject themselves to some new un-proven show on primetime or risk falling for a mystery-riddled drama that will only be canceled before the mystery’s been solved (Flash Forward, Happy Town.)

Grr. They did two seasons of Party Down so if you haven’t seen all or any, you still have some partying to do. May I offer you a couple of tasty hordeurves?

“When I’m in nature I usually drop a cap,” featuring Jennifer Coolidge

“It’s not fate, it’s a mistake” with Martin Starr (It’s Bill from Freaks & Geeks, only BIG!)

Cash Cab Hearts Kurt Vonnegut

Posted in Alphabetfiend, Dork Alert, TV with tags , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2008 by alphabetfiend

I was watching Cash Cab yesterday and was touched when, after a question about the author Kurt Vonnegut, Ben Bailey (host & cabbie) turned to the camera with a thumbs up.

We miss you, Kurt.

Cause wow we really do… all of us… maybe you don’t know you’re missing Kurt Vonnegut but believe me, you are! 

kurt-vonnegut

Which is exactly why I love Cash Cab — the game show that takes place in Ben Bailey’s NYC cab, only one of the countless cabs in the city. (OK 13,000. Someone counted.) So if, like me, you are DYING to play Cash Cab you must first be lucky enough to stumble into it. O! I want it to be me — the Alphabetfiend — bumbling & mumbling some Alphabet City address. I once watched as two older gentlemen won over $4000 dollars AND got dropped of at my favorite intersection in all the world. Across the way from the St. Marks Hotel (where I often stay like the village sleaze I am) and from the little Asian bakery where I get powdery cream puffs with a touch of green tea whipped into the fresh cream. Over there by where the tasty freeze truck parks. Right beside the Astor Place subway station where I love to jump on & off the 6. Yep, they were going to Starbucks but were it me I’d head straight to that tasty freeze and get me a butterscotch dip cone. I’d lick it while looking through the windows of that great bookstore and plotting my $4000 shopping spree. I’d have to hit H&M. Oh, no fair! Why can’t I be two old men in NYC, in Bailey’s cab, about to walk away with the most money ever won on Cash Cab? Why! Why I ask you?!  I was jealous of their winnings and I was jealous of their GPS location.

The Robot Boy and I would kick butt on Cash Cab. We know almost all the answers cause the questions are always about the random sort of literary smarty pants kind of shit we care about it. Crazy questions about space & time, ancient myth, freaky cult authors, haunted ships, famous amusement parks, or how to make a bomb. In recent episodes, two different episodes,  it all came down to questions whose answers I know in my bones.

  1. What Spanish city is not to be confused with an industrial city in Ohio? The contestents said “Seville. ” I knew they were done for as I screamed “TOLEDO!!!!!”
  2. The legendery amusement park, Cedar Point, is in what state? The guy risked $900 and lost it all when he answered “Washington” but I was serene as I swooned “OHIO.”

Both of those games ended in the riders being booted from the cab and left to walk on to their destination (or hail another less-fun cab that will ask you to pay them not the other way around.) But this Midwestern honey grew up in TOLEDO OHIO so I would not have been left like a loser on the curb. I spent every summer at Cedar Point, I spent every winter dreaming of that other Toledo.

Yep, it’s meant to be… me & Cash Cab sitting in a tree… k-i-s-s-i-n-g.  Gotta love the game show that mourns the loss of Vonnegut.

cash_cab_usa

I’d love to hail that hunk. Pick me pick me! Up! Cash Cab comes on the Discovery Channel between 5/4c -7/6c pm on weekdays. That’s four episodes so take a 25 minute break and see if you can beat me on Cash Cab. By the way, I’m watching it as we speak and Bailey has just said

“Cash Cab has a vanity plate. 7N78. Can you figure out what it means?”

I’m drawing a blank! What do you think?

Reno Hotties Hit Prime Time

Posted in I Heart Funny Femmes, Technicolor Pop, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 13, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Two of the sexy bitches from Reno 911 have recently done guest star turns in prime time TV shows.

Wendi Mclendon-Covey (she plays Deputy Clementine Johnson on Reno) did a perfect turn as a swinger wife on the new sitcom “Kath & Kim.”

Kerri Kenney (she plays Deputy Trudy Wiegel on Reno) was was barely recognizable as a glam magician’s assistant on “Pushing Daisies.”  (see photo below.)

Kerri Kenney looking perty (far left)

Kerri Kenney looking perty (far left)

“Pushing Daisies” is in trouble and has probably had its head lopped off (yep, it’s been canceled, it’s official) which made it hard to enjoy the last few episodes even though they were pretty delish. The show is by the same people who did the short-lived but masterful “Wonder Falls” and like “Wonder Falls,”  Pushing Daisies proved to be too quirky for the average viewer. Pushing Daisies is visually stunning  and better than most things out there, although it can be a tad too gimmicky and scooby-doo episodic.  Still, it was getting better and I hate to see it go. (Oh! Swoosie Kurtz is AMAZING as a mermaid in a jeweled eye-patch. Ah. Freak Love.)  As a magical realism lit-fiction writer, I’m excited by every failed attempt to bring magical realism to TV.  The charming episode where Kerri Kenney is the assistant to The Great Herman (Fred Williard was awesome!) was probably one of the last episodes we’ll ever see of Pushing Daisies. She rocked it!  I wish I had a clip but I’ve looked and can’t locate one. You can only see her briefly in this promo for the episode called “Oh Oh It’s Magic!”

Kath & Kim — based on a successful Australian comedy of the same name — is probably in some trouble of its own. Starring Molly Shannon and Selma Blair as mall worshippers engrossed in popular culture and not much else, Kath & Kim is oddly endearing and definitely grows on you. I love dorks so I really love this show with the dorkiest romance ever between Kath Day and Phil Night. (Knight?) It just goes to show that the harder you try to be cool the more you miss the mark. I love Molly Shannon and want the show to do well but I worry cause it’s pretty weird. In the episode “Friends” (which aired December 11th) Kath & Phil throw a Christmas party and invite people they barely know. Wendi Mclendon-Covey was small town dreamy as wife to a mall security guard. Loved it! See Mclendon-Covey in an NBC clip. 

tn2_wendi_mclendon_covey_2

Technically all three of the original Reno ladies have been on prime time in the last 6 months or so. Niecy Nash — the hardest working woman in show biz — was on that horrible sitcom about the hotel. But that sucked too much to count. Nash shines as Deputy Raineesha Williams though.

McCain & Palin Hawk the GOP on QVC (SNL Nov 1)

Posted in politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , on November 2, 2008 by alphabetfiend

McCain wasn’t half bad on SNL (unlike Palin who was completely useless.) It’s just so close to election day and I’m so ready for it to be over. I’m so ready for a little Chocolate-Change in the White House. I’m ready for Tina Fey to be Tina Fey. And for Sarah Palin to hurry up and go away.

Fey deserves the fanfare from her wicked Palin imitation.

Fey deserves the fanfare from her wicked Palin imitation.

I did wonder though what must’ve been going through McCain’s mind when — in the skit — Sarah Palin, played by Fey, snuck off to sell herself in secret. How wierd for him to see that truth and just have to laugh through it. For some laughs of your own, see the QVC skit for yourself.

VOTE FOR OBAMA!!!!

Oh and if Tina Fey asks you for favors, sexual or otherwise, PONY UP. It’s the least we could do for that smart sexy bitch. If she wants to put a saddle on your back and ride you around the room, get on all fours and bray like a buckin’ bronco.

Amy Pops! Poehler’s Lil’ Punkin Head

Posted in Romance & Relationships, TV with tags , , , , , , on October 26, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Instead of bringing it to the news desk for SNL’s Weekend Update, Amy Poehler was bringing life into the world. A funny lil’ punkin head just in time for Halloween.

Amy Poehler and Will Arnett had a boy. They named him Archie. They’re such dorks. I love it. Archie! Who names their baby Archie? A nice comic book name for a comic duo.

A Ladies Man, Missing Ladies & A Pumpkin-Head (SNL October 25)

Posted in I Heart Funny Femmes, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Don Draper was there but Tina Fey wasn’t. (What up? She was supposed to be on for 7 episodes.) Amy Poehler wasn’t there either. She’s pushing out a lil’ punkin head. Maybe Tina Fey is Poehler’s lamaze coach. Is that why Coldplay got four songs? Because they had to scrap Fey-Poehler skits? Things that make you go hmmm.

Liberace’s ghost made an appearance on “Vincent Price’s Halloween Special.” Liberace — in bone-white boa — pounded the piano keys while Vincent Price recited Poe’s “The Raven.”

Fans of Jon Hamm were surely thrilled by a send-up of Madmen titled “Two A-Holes Go to an Ad Agency.”  Watching Don Draper try to finesse SNL’s “Two A-Holes” was pretty funny, babe. Right babe? It was OK, babe. Yea, babe, it was alright.  Several members of the Mad Men cast were in the skit so that was a real treat. (The last episode of Mad Men was so good that I’m still a-quiver, just seeing the cast gave me tingles.)

Another treat for Mad Men viewers — “Don Draper’s Guide to Picking Up Women.”

  1. When in doubt remain absolutely silent.
  2. When asked about your past give vague open-ended answers.
  3. Have a great name.
  4. Look fantastic in a suit, look fantastic in casual wear, look fantastic in anything. Sound good, smell good, kiss good. Strut around with supreme confidence. Be uncannily successful at your job. Blow people away every time you say anything. Take 6 hour lunches. Disappear for weeks at a time. Lie to everyone about everything. Drink and smoke constantly. Basically, BE DON DRAPER.

Oh how I hate to admit that I have fallen for Don Draper. I wanted so badly to be immune to his charms. But the last episode sealed the deal. Yep. I Heart Don Draper. The mysterious deal with the devil bastard who feels either nothing or too much. Sigh. Sexy bitch. He’s in the SPOOKY KABUKI spank bank.

Jon Hamm pitched an unusual project in the scatological skit “Jon Hamm’s john ham.”  A ham you can eat in the bathroom! Imagine a roll of slippery ham slices opposite your roll of TP and a “delicious dispenser of Jon Hamm mustard soap.” But don’t forget the Jon Hamm’s john ham motto:

 “If it feels like a slice of ham, don’t wipe your ass with it.”

What about skits that did not include Jon Hamm? Hmm. Let’s see… Oh! Maybe it’s just me but Robo-Call is a cutie.

Obama and Ayers are gaysexmarried. Obama is face book friends with Osama Bin Laden. Robo-Call built to give movie time, now Robo-Call only used to scare old people. Robo-Call feel dirty all the time. Robo-Call so sad. Next week Robo-Call supposed to tell black people election canceled.

Speaking of our soon-to-be Mr. President, here are a few highlights from The Obama Variety Hour.

  1. Obama and ladylove Michelle share a duet — “Solid as Barrack,”
  2. Bill Clinton croons “Don’t you forget about me,”
  3. Bill Ayers plays the keyboard while Jeremiah Wright takes a Seal turn ala “White People is Crazy” 

 

I told y’all way-preggers Poehler was about to pop! The baby-daddy is Will Arnett aka JOB from the critically acclaimed (but canceled) Arrested Development. That is gonna be one crazy baby! Is there a gene for funny? If the baby inherits Arnett’s booming voice I predict a nice living doing voice overs for pick-up truck commercials. Poehler’s cast members sung a supportive tune:

We love you Amy! And we just can’t wait to meet your baby!

I bet that baby’s gonna be a funny little squinch-faced chubbling.

Welcome to the planet, little one.

Are you a trick or a treat?

Given your genes, my moneys on a magical mixture of both.

(***Still don’t know what you’re doing next week? Someone compiled a list of SNL inspired halloween costumes circa the 1990’s. Consider the possibilities!)

Real Dolls: Kinkster Deluxe for the Loaded & Lonesome (XXX)

Posted in I like big butts & I can not lie, Psyche & Sexuality, Sex & XXX, SPOOKY KABUKI, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2008 by alphabetfiend

“I am doll eyes
Doll mouth, doll legs
I am doll arms, big veins, dog bait.”
— Hole

Wendsday night’s episode of CSI New York — “Sex, Lies & Silicone” — involved a plot line about the Real Doll phenomenon. I don’t normally watch CSI but when I saw this trailer, I had my Ro-beau punch a few buttons on the tevo. 

If you’re out of the lurid loop, Real Dolls are eerily “realistic” life-size love dolls. Has Kelly Lebrock been in your spank bank since you were a pimply kid in the 80’s? Ever since you rented Wierd Science? Get you a slotted-piggy and start saving up. Well-to-do deviants can skip the piggy and go straight to  RealDoll.com  They can create their ideal woman as though they were Gary and Wyatt.  (I LOVED Wierd Science and can still quote Gary and Wyatt. Which may explain my obscene interest in this mad scientist insanity.)

This is not your horn-dog Uncle’s blow up doll. Real Dolls are high end silicone sex dolls with three fancy orifices. A Real Doll is the “Ferrari of love dolls, ” says Matt Krivicke, Creative Director of Abyss Creations.”It’s the most expensive highest quality love doll on the market.” If yer gonna pony up 7 grand for a poseable pin-up, you gotta do more than press your lips around the rubber valve and blow. You’ll need to make some tough choices.

At the Real Doll Web site you can choose among nine body types, 14 faces, five skin tones, six eye colors, a palette of makeup colors, 10 wigs, and three different pubic hair styles. Save your pennies, and for $6,499 plus shipping, you can have your very own synthetic woman sent directly to your home. (Salon.com)

Talk about some Bride of Frankenstein freaky-deek DELUX!

Um, lady, yer not planning on using that on me are you?

Serious afficonados of this luxury item– ” idollators” — often have a whole harem of faux femmes. Which is surely less complicated than having even one real girl.  

What kind of wierdo creepazoid would shell out dollars for a doll with a dick hole? The answer to that is all over the board. Even veering dangerously close to home.

Flinch at the notion of a man having sex with an imitation woman and classify him: lonely loser. Pathological creep. Misogynist. Potential rapist. Sicko. True enough, some men who have sex with Real Dolls are creepy, the kind of guys you wouldn’t want to be alone with. But not all. Many are simply lonely — some tragically so. Others are disfigured or infirm. Some are oddly sweet, like Davecat, for whom a Real Doll is a “teddy bear with benefits.” And others proclaim their normalcy and defend their Real Dolls as no different than a 3-D version of a Playboy centerfold. (Salon)

Hey, I know, let’s ask one of them c-zoids. This guy makes the case for Real Dolls, while also making your stomach lurch.

The Robot says Real Dolls are too bizarre to not want one. “If I was rich, I’d buy you one for your birfday, baby,” he once promised, which riled until he revealed his ace: they are available in magically delicious skin colors like alien green or sci-fi lavender. Oh hell yea! I’d sully that cartoon wench like nobody’s biz-ness. Which I suspect is the REAL reason why the Robot is keen on the idea of bringing a Real Doll home. (To the extent that he actually is. Which isn’t much, not 7 G’s much.)

I’m about to give details above and beyond TMI so if your easily offended, skip ahead. 

OK, here goes… 

Years ago I had this yummy dream where I was wearing a cartoonish strap-on dildo on the outside of my jeans, as like an accessory, to go with my thug-rolled dungarees & wife-beater tank. Until that dream I thought Freud’s penis envy was total bullshit. But goof knows I love to accessorize! I’ve wanted a strap-on ever since. I began to hint around and swore that I only wanted it as like a lewd jewel, to wear underneath a flouncy girl-bomb dress. A naughty secret stolen in a petticoat, tucked into frothy layers of tulle. I wanna frock out with my cock out!  He began to hint around that maybe he’d let me do more with my new toy. Yea, I know you, and you’ll end up wanting to ass rape me, which might be OK.  RB found a harness in pale pink leather — it’ll match yer Plush D afro! — and picked out a springy fleshy dong in translucent pink. When it arrived in the mail, it wasn’t as petite as he’d hoped. As I began to cock-strut around the house, lines of worry furrowed into his forehead. Yay! I wanna stick it in things!  Which is where a blue-skinned babe like trickster Krishna would come in damn handy. And no, don’t bother emailing saying you know just the gal-pal for me, cause I can’t cheat, not even with girls. I just don’t have the temperament for it.

In all honesty, I’d never spend 7000 bucks on a squishy hole when there’s other things to spring for: fingerless Chanel gloves, flouncy Miu Miu dresses, Anna Sui Kimonos, Phillip Treacy hats, Marc Jacobs platform pumps. Aaaaaahhhhh, mmmmmm. An ice cream trunk, a lazy hazy trip to Amsterdam, a steampunk laptop!  Oh oh oh YES! Besides, lube is cheap and men can be manipulated. I mean, men have open minds. Especially when it comes to all things bedroom.

With only 9 body types, I doubt they’d have the fleshy bouncy bottom of my lezbo dreams. If I’m gonna go gay, I want a big ‘ole booty that I can go to town on like I’m Tinto Brass on acid. A tiny Barbie bum is a serious deal-breaker.  And I’m not the only one for whom junk in the trunk is a concern. Check out this informational video about the Real Doll factory. Watch as Big C sez “I like big butts and I cannot not lie.” Or something to that affect.

Awww, what a happy ending, so sweet. Big C sweeps big-booty Judy off her feet. But was her booty really that big? Size 6 big just ain’t BIG enough for me!

“I am doll parts
Bad skin, doll heart
Yeah, they really want you, they really want you, they really do
He only loves those things because he loves to see them break
I fake it so real, I am beyond fake”
— Hole

So, how creepy was this post? Man oh man, are you gonna have some weird (wet) dreams tonight! SPOOKY KABUKI strikes again!

Mystery Man Jon Hamm on SNL tonight! (Oct 25. Tina Fey too!)

Posted in SPOOKY KABUKI, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 25, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Jon Hamm hosts SNL tonight and I’m frothing. 

Maybe you are scratching your head and wondering “Whose this mysterious Jon Hamm that the fiend is fiending over?” If so, you still have time to zip over to the vid-ya store and rent the first few episodes of AMC’s amazing serial “Mad Men” which is about Madison Avenue ad men in the late 50’s early 60’s. Thusly, it’s a historical drama about American consumption. Which I adore. We are living in a material world and I am a material girl.  But above all, Mad Men is the story of of the inscrutable Don Draper — man from nowhere, man from everywhere — who is an archetype wrapped in an aura of secrecy. Everyone who meets him is at once in awe and off-put. He is transcendent and untethered. He is dead-man charming. A watchful Zombie. Don Draper is the ultimate SPOOKY KABUKI pin-up hunk. Handsome in a way that unsettles, Don Draper will get under your skin. Who is that masked man?

Hopefully, they will make use of Hamm’s Don-Draper spookiness on tonight’s SNL. I’d like to see a great Halloween skit. We need a new landshark. Although Tina Fey will be on to reprise her Palin imitation and that is sure to be plenty bone-chilling.

Coldplay is the musical guest. I hear two little toe-heads have been running around the SNL set like sugar-fueled trick’er’treaters. Picture Apple and Moses with sagging sacks and only ten minutes left for hi-jinks and Hershey bars.

I’ll let you know what I think and hey, you do the same.

See ya in the early AM.

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