Archive for Barrack Obama

The Mrs. Butterworth Book Club

Posted in Alphabetfiend, Art & Culture, Art Lover, Books & Writing, Cinema & Filmmaking, Goof & Glamour, I Heart Funny Fellas, I Heart My Love-Tribe, In Celebration of the Absurd, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 3, 2010 by alphabetfiend

“I’m one of the few who voted for Obama because he was a friend of Bill Ayers.” -JW    

I too am one of those few.    

 

     

My freaky filmmaker friend, Tim, and I recently started a two-person book club. We dubbed it “The Mrs. Butterworth Book Club,” after a surreal conversation we had in highschool in which Tim asked me, out of nowhere, “What would you do if you woke up and Mrs. Butterworth was at your bedside? She’d have to be on yer pillow cause she’s rather short.”    

I’ve always had a soft spot for the absurd and so I have a soft spot for Tim.    

“I didn’t have to worry about fitting in with a crowd I didn’t want to hang out with in the first place.” -JW    

 

Both fans of John Waters, we chose his new book “Role Models” as our first MBBC selection. “Role Models” — the latest of several memoirs by the filmmaker, writer and professional outcast — focuses on people who have inspired or influenced Waters. The book begins with >surprise!surprise!< Johnny Mathis then moves on to reformed Manson Girl Leslie Van Houten; later comes Commes des Garcons designer/deconstructionist Rei Kawakubo who crashes into various hillbilly heroes from Baltimore such as Ester the barmaid and Lady Zorro the lesbian stripper.    

    

“Nothing is more impotent than un unread library”   

John Waters writes about reading the way a junky waxes poetic over crack.  

I’ve just finished the chapter “Book Worm.” Love love! Waters is a notorious and obsessive bibliophile, owning nearly 9000 volumes of wordy goodness.I can’t wait until he writes a whole book like that chapter, where he’ll delve into one weirdo tome after another. That would be a fantastic book! Waters has smart, obscure taste in literature and continually surprises me with his thoughtful insights.    

The chapter on Little Richard is next. I can’t wait.    

I saw Little Richard not too long ago. It was a free show, just a few blocks from my house, in the U of TX quad, so we meandered over.    

   

I’ve seen many old greats and I’ve learned not to expect too much. I saw Hasil Adkins at The Continental Club, paid a penny too, he played maybe two longs and left the stage. I’ve seen Ramblin’ Jack where he’s talked all night tellin’ one great story after another but there was one raspy time where he sang a song, coughed, sang another song, coughed and took a bow. I think it was James Chance that left the stage in a hissy fit like he waz Fred Alan Wolf at a physics conference. (Wolf’s hissy fit worked out well for me. I chased him out and we chatted all afternoon. He set up his laptop in the shadows of a patio umbrella and semi-patiently explained to me his theory of the thalmus gland as rudimentary time machine. I Heart Fred Allan Wolf!)    

Little Richard did not disappoint.      

Little Richard glittered like an LSD rockstar. The old man rocker took that place down to the ground. Holy hell! I fuckin’ cried. Yep. I wept as Little Richard sent spasming waves of energy through a crowd of cheap, clueless college students.  Seeing Little Richard that soft summer evening was a spiritual thing. I had my own Little Richard religious experience.      

"Saint Richard" by Vicki Berndt

So far the Mrs. Butterworth Book Club mostly consists of gushing to one another on facebook about just how fucking great Role Models is and how much we love John Waters as a way of life, posting killer quotes as our status updates and generally annoying the rest of our facebook friends.    

Screw those less-enlightened folks whose only knowledge of John Waters is “he has something to do with that fat drag queen who ate dog shit in some movie that no one’s ever seen.” If that.     

Makes me wanna scream, “Divine ate the dog shit! The film was Pink Flamingos! John Waters was the director! Fuckface!”    

I’d throw in that fuckface at the end, just for extra measure, like the cherry on top of the sundae or the pretty that flatters please.    

No, I kid. Really. So what if they’re morons who wanna wait (who CAN wait) until Role Models comes out in paperback. Whaddo I care? I don’t, cause I kid, but it is funny how things have changed and yet stayed the same. Tim and I hung with different crowds in highschool. We might never have spoken if our inner freaks hadn’t had such magnetic pull and now, all grown up, I have so much more to say to Tim than to the gorgeous girls I once hung with (who are now smiling mothers posting owen mills portraits all over their facebook pages, with not one free moment to read and if they read they certainly wouldn’t read Waters’ odes to Manson girls, trannie derelicts or Johnny Mathis.)     

   

The Mrs. Butterworth Book Club has only two members but that’s more out of necessity than design, being that no one else has expressed an iota of interest.    

That’s fine with us, right, Tim? All the more dog shit for us!    

Today I went to type out a few sentences on Tim’s fb page and try as I might it wouldn’t post. Old school friends were im-ing me and I was losing patience in fine Luddite fashion. The pups were barking to announce guests and the Robot was calling from the other room. Frazzled, I copied my note to Tim and stuck it into my open wordpress window under quick-post for safekeeping….which has me thinking….hmmm. I was gonna review the book for y’all anyway so why not post my thoughts here and then send the links to Tim? Maybe some of you are reading Role Models too and wanna pipe in? Maybe Tim and I can convince you to read Role Models? Even if you’re not reading the book, please join the discussion and tell us about some of your own role models, heroes & muses. What about an infuriatingly brilliant nemesis…anyone got one of those? (I sure do. Don’t I, Sugarbear?) 

Waters sez "Read this"

If you’d like to join our very informal Mrs. Butterworth Book Club, we’d be glad to take on new members with a taste for the odd in literature and in life. We’re keepin’ it simple. See!  Here’s my fb note to Tim:    

Hey Tim! Checkin’ in to the Mrs. Buttersworth Book Club… am just about to start the Little Richard chapter on p.183, had a houseguest for a couple weeks and fell behind.    

All that stuff about the Manson’s O-MY! I never knew they’d sneak into houses and move the furniture. So trickster, I love it, but stabbing someone 16 times? Nah, not for me.    

All the Baltimore stuff in the bar chapter was a riot. I have some these “artsy hillbilly” friends from Baltimore and they tell the craziest stories ever. Plus I loved The Wire and Homicide, both set in Baltimore. Homicide was brilliantly cast by Pat Moran, whom Waters mentions repeatedly as “My friend, Pat Moran”.    

That stuff about lunatic mothers and the craziness those kids grew up with? I found all that to be just waaaay too familiar. Great reading tho. Great writing!    

 Finally, while I consider myself to be a big reader, life-long, I must confess to not having read even one of his five recommendations. Have you? Guess we know what we’ll read next in the MBBC, huh? Which one do you suggest? The pervy kid or the deluded ladies? Or pages and pages of dialogue? I’m up for any and all!    

I’m not a huge fanatic as far as his films go but as a man, as a mind, John Waters is thrilling.    

He’s also a hell of a writer and a real storyteller.    

This book has been a treat. I’m loving it. I’m devouring it.     

“Tennessee Williams wasn’t a gay cliché, so I had the confidence to try to not be one myself. Gay was not enough. It was a good start however.”    

 ** The Saint Richard painting is by Water’s soul-sista Vicki Berndt whom we’ve featured before on Cream Scene Carnival. Role Models is available at amazon and so is the Waters pick: In Youth is Pleasure by Denton Welch, with a forward by William Burroughs.    

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A Ladies Man, Missing Ladies & A Pumpkin-Head (SNL October 25)

Posted in I Heart Funny Femmes, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 26, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Don Draper was there but Tina Fey wasn’t. (What up? She was supposed to be on for 7 episodes.) Amy Poehler wasn’t there either. She’s pushing out a lil’ punkin head. Maybe Tina Fey is Poehler’s lamaze coach. Is that why Coldplay got four songs? Because they had to scrap Fey-Poehler skits? Things that make you go hmmm.

Liberace’s ghost made an appearance on “Vincent Price’s Halloween Special.” Liberace — in bone-white boa — pounded the piano keys while Vincent Price recited Poe’s “The Raven.”

Fans of Jon Hamm were surely thrilled by a send-up of Madmen titled “Two A-Holes Go to an Ad Agency.”  Watching Don Draper try to finesse SNL’s “Two A-Holes” was pretty funny, babe. Right babe? It was OK, babe. Yea, babe, it was alright.  Several members of the Mad Men cast were in the skit so that was a real treat. (The last episode of Mad Men was so good that I’m still a-quiver, just seeing the cast gave me tingles.)

Another treat for Mad Men viewers — “Don Draper’s Guide to Picking Up Women.”

  1. When in doubt remain absolutely silent.
  2. When asked about your past give vague open-ended answers.
  3. Have a great name.
  4. Look fantastic in a suit, look fantastic in casual wear, look fantastic in anything. Sound good, smell good, kiss good. Strut around with supreme confidence. Be uncannily successful at your job. Blow people away every time you say anything. Take 6 hour lunches. Disappear for weeks at a time. Lie to everyone about everything. Drink and smoke constantly. Basically, BE DON DRAPER.

Oh how I hate to admit that I have fallen for Don Draper. I wanted so badly to be immune to his charms. But the last episode sealed the deal. Yep. I Heart Don Draper. The mysterious deal with the devil bastard who feels either nothing or too much. Sigh. Sexy bitch. He’s in the SPOOKY KABUKI spank bank.

Jon Hamm pitched an unusual project in the scatological skit “Jon Hamm’s john ham.”  A ham you can eat in the bathroom! Imagine a roll of slippery ham slices opposite your roll of TP and a “delicious dispenser of Jon Hamm mustard soap.” But don’t forget the Jon Hamm’s john ham motto:

 “If it feels like a slice of ham, don’t wipe your ass with it.”

What about skits that did not include Jon Hamm? Hmm. Let’s see… Oh! Maybe it’s just me but Robo-Call is a cutie.

Obama and Ayers are gaysexmarried. Obama is face book friends with Osama Bin Laden. Robo-Call built to give movie time, now Robo-Call only used to scare old people. Robo-Call feel dirty all the time. Robo-Call so sad. Next week Robo-Call supposed to tell black people election canceled.

Speaking of our soon-to-be Mr. President, here are a few highlights from The Obama Variety Hour.

  1. Obama and ladylove Michelle share a duet — “Solid as Barrack,”
  2. Bill Clinton croons “Don’t you forget about me,”
  3. Bill Ayers plays the keyboard while Jeremiah Wright takes a Seal turn ala “White People is Crazy” 

 

I told y’all way-preggers Poehler was about to pop! The baby-daddy is Will Arnett aka JOB from the critically acclaimed (but canceled) Arrested Development. That is gonna be one crazy baby! Is there a gene for funny? If the baby inherits Arnett’s booming voice I predict a nice living doing voice overs for pick-up truck commercials. Poehler’s cast members sung a supportive tune:

We love you Amy! And we just can’t wait to meet your baby!

I bet that baby’s gonna be a funny little squinch-faced chubbling.

Welcome to the planet, little one.

Are you a trick or a treat?

Given your genes, my moneys on a magical mixture of both.

(***Still don’t know what you’re doing next week? Someone compiled a list of SNL inspired halloween costumes circa the 1990’s. Consider the possibilities!)

Debates: Penguin-McCain VS Batman-Obama. Too Funny! (video)

Posted in politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , , on October 16, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Have you seen this yet? Oh, it’s wonderful. I’d love to meet the geek boy who dug up this gem. You know he was chuckling to himself. I’m sure it was one of those light bulb moments that explode into pure delight. Ah, the superstrings of the cosmos. Or the predictability of the villain politician. Joseph Campbell would have some wisdom to add no doubt. Archetypes abound. No matter how you look at it, it’s awesome.

Batman! Who is he? Who is this acrobatic clown who somersaults around Gotham City in a rediculous costume? Will you think about that a moment, my friends? Whenever you see Batman, who’s he with? Criminals! That’s who! You look in the old newspapers — every picture shows him with crooks, thieves, hobnobbing with crooks. Where as my pictures show me always surrounded by whom? By the police! I am an associate of the law. 

WHO IS THAT BLACK MAN?!

Hank Hill Votes for Obama!

Posted in I Heart Funny Femmes, politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2008 by alphabetfiend
Hank Hill is not amused by the dumbass-ery of the Republican ticket. Both the ever-logical Mr. Hill and his dog-duchess Ladybird are voting for Obama. It’s a smart move considering his son’s penchant for show tunes & drag. Yes, Bobby likes girls, yes, and he and Connie were “goin’ together.”  As a hag, I know a little about fags and their love-hate relationship with the ladies. As a lady whose gent is a real-life grown up Bobby Hill, I can also forsee a future for Bobby as a bonafide ladie’s man. Either way, it’s all good.
1203-1.png picture by plushied
To be safe, Hank & Peggy best say no to Palin. The Veep nom is not what you’d call “gay-friendly.”  Sure, she “tolerates” gays with all her heart while viewing them as an evil mutation that deserves the AIDS and the dark-alley beatings and whatever else might befall them before they meet their due deaths and are sent straight to hell. The Hills still believe in the American Dream and they want that for Bobby, who is their first born son and only child thanks to Hank’s narrow urethra. Bobby’s questionable sexuality wasn’t part of that dream back when the Hills were first dreaming and sure, they struggle. After all, who wants their child’s future to include those back-alley beatings or the disdain of piggish haters like Palin who want to keep them legally less-than. Yup. Who indeed?  
 
Hank4Obama-1-1.jpg picture by plushied

Sadly, the similarities between The McCain-Palin ticket and the animated Hill family are more than skin deep:

  • Peggy’s a (substitute) Spanish teacher whose Spanish is barely passable, but don’t tell her that! Peggy thinks she’s “mooey prolifico in talkito el Spaniard.” Sigh. All you teachers, your reward is in heaven. Peggy loves to play Boggle and the blame game. Peggy knows all about grrl-power and nothing about feminism. Peggy thinks if you can run your household, you can run the world. Peggy’s glasses suit her.
  • Cotton’s a rageaholic war monger. Cotton’s “cut off at the knees” and is proud to be an emotional cripple who barely knows his children. Cotton’s an abusive tyrant who thinks his military service excuses any and all bad behavior. Cotton’s led a long life of hard livin’ and when he dies, his legacy will be left in the hands of his unworldly concubine cum redneck youngin’. Cotton can’t get past what his enemies did to him during his vaunted military service. Cotton lacks class. He’s a sexist, violent ego-maniac whose old war stories are really getting old.

There are a few differences:

  • Peggy Hill may “tolerate” the gays now but that will change the minute Bobby Hill comes out of the closet, if not before. Peggy accepts Bobby as he is. If her son is gay, then Peggy will say that “gay’s the way to be.” I tell you whut. Even Hank, hard as he fights it, would accept his son and by proxy his son’s hubby. I spy Hank & Peggy — future members of PFLAG!
  • Cotton did not crash — is it 5 or 7?–  planes and then get himself captured. Cotton would never be captured. Cotton’s not a coward, but he is a lunatic. Good luck capturing Cotton. (In actuality, Cotton is even less alive then McCain and not just because he’s make-believe.)

No wonder Larry Flint cast Peggy as porn-star Palin in his latest political project Nailin Pailin!  And of course Cotton Hill starred as John McCain! An obvious choice. But poor poor Hank.  The things Hank saw while a tool-fluffer on Flint’s film! Now that’s XXX wrong. Argh! Burns the eyeballs! As if Hank weren’t already soured on the McCain-Palin ticket!

So Hank is voting for Obama. And Homer’s voting Obama too. Toons for Truth!

What’s funny in Arlen is not so funny in Washington.

What’s not funny in Washington is even less funny in my hometown and yours.

What happens in Washington does not STAY in Washington. Instead it “trickles down” (yea right) and leaves us damp and moldy. It makes like The Blob and oozes across state lines (bread lines?) Bubbles beneath door jambs, creeps into our homes. Bad decisions made by politicians become our problems. Make a list of your current ills and consider. Yup. I know. Bummer, isn’t it? Now think abroad, imagine the lists of others and how American politics has had a hand in that. Yup. Beyond bummer. Don’t let the 2008 election be your bad decision. 

Homer knows better, Hank knows better.

We know better.

Don’t we?

“Dub & Dumber” — a hip hop attack on W politics

Posted in I heart hip hop, I Heart My Love-Tribe, I like big butts & I can not lie, politics, Rock & Roll, Romance & Relationships, Sex & XXX with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2008 by alphabetfiend

After yesterday’s post about the similarities between McCain & Bush — “McCain in Bush’s Pocket, Playing Pool” — I got to thinking about how bad another Bush would really be. It would either kill is or burn us to the ground so we could start anew (an Alexander Cockburn perspective.) Quality of life since Bush took office has steady declined which is not about economics but about a collective broken heart. I decided to dig up this rap a la my hip hop alter ego Plush D.  Can’t take no more of Dub & Dumber!

Bush's White House is a perfect fit for wanna-be Dictator McCain

Bush's White House is a perfect fit for wanna-be Dictator McCain.

Dub & Dumber  (A Rhyme attack by Plush D. Pow!)

The White House casts a shadow on our home.

In this, I know I’m not alone.

Our rooms reverberate with riot.

Outrage, fear, fret.

No PEACE, no quiet.

Alla dis has got my baby on a bummer,

can’t take no more of Dub & Dumber.

 

Eight too-long years of crime & con,

the Ugly Duckling ate its swan.

They lit the wick,

they dropped the bomb,

blew countless homes asunder.

Can’t abide by Dub & Dumber.

 

TV, radio, dot.com

anxious obsession, defeated depression,

safe to say I miss him.

Tho beautiful, these beloved breasts are no distraction

from feuds & warring factions,

trumped up “weapons of mass destruction,”

ignorant assumption.

Today a fighter, once a lover.

Had my fill of Dub & Dumber.

 

Why is our Mr. President

massaging the shoulders of the German Chancellor?

Tho she cringes with discomfort,

he’s self-imposing as a cancer.

If Cheney shoots his friends,

how’d you like to be his enemy?

We need free

We need free

Fuck their careless tyranny!

It’s sick how they inflict such trauma.

We need free of Dub & Dumber.

 

Took a sunset cruise in the car,

got more sad news on NPR,

an old-fashioned luxury anyhow,

gas prices climbing like they are.

Cause killing is commerce,

gross insatiable blood thirst.

Their agenda always comes first.

How I long for the old days,

basking in his green-eyed gaze,

a softness where I used to laze,

felt so pretty, so safe, so warm,

but now his brow is war-torn.

The White House, a blackness in our home,

evicted, eviscerated, all alone,

windows rattle with foreboding thunder.

They’re murderers, them Dub & Dumber.

 

Babes in arms,

I used to be one, sigh.

Give a teenager a gun.

Good idea.

Fitful sleep, dream of sirens,

sweaty sheets, bloody palms.

We go along to get along.

I never agreed to this.

I never wanted this.

I said no to this.

I’m ashamed of this.

Raise yer hand if yer pissed.

Say  “MISSISSIPPI GODDAMN!”

But this shit aint never been about us.

When the rain pours down,

they let us drown.

Too busy killing to protect us.

They left that city to sink under.

Just can’t trust that Dub & Dumber.

 

I hate it,  all of it,

the sick & twisted gross of it,

suspicious recounts,

voters locked out,

nepotism like a virus.

Stole the god-forsaken office,

then forced a war upon us,

wielded fear like a weapon against us.

Terrorism!  A grenade of a word!

How could we have allowed this?

Tirades at TV!

Curses at computers!

Riled at Radios!

Stuck inside our own homes.

Suddenly everyone’s a loner,

isolation courtesy of Dub & Dumber.

 

He got a white house havoc in his heart,

after I fixed that shit up so nice, made it homey.

Used to lounge around in it,

genie in her bottle,

now it’s chaos something alful.

It’s cause he cares but still.

He naps, astral travels to Iraq,

that’s not exactly restful,

and less & less of him comes back.

Some kind of creepy death pact.

Got somethin’ to say,

maybe a goofy antidote about yer day?

Well, take a fucking number.

So goddamned sick of Dub & Dumber.

 

Eight too-long years,

titties sag, hopes lag,

and someone sez “if you don’t like it, leave.”

Please!

Stand up & call it bullshit!

Don’t be afraid to name it.

That’s what makes a patriot.

One more thing, I probably shouldn’t mention it —

but is mine the only  man whose lost his taste for bush?

 

C’mon lover, turn off the TV.

Now whaddaya see?

Baby, it’s me, Plush D.

Howzabout a little bed-in for peace?

All I am saying is give me a chance.

A lennon-esque healing,

a laying-on of the hands.

I’m yours, you yoko-ono me.

 

Gonna cast my vote for Obam,

maybe then I’ll get a little som-som,

ease the heartbreak in my home.

High time the White House had some hue,

a leader with audacious hope & high IQ.

Dub is done.

Impeach!

Impeach!

Impeach!

Peaches say, “IMPEACH!”

Peltz has cocked her gun.

IMPEACH! IMPEACH! IMPEACH!

I’m Peaches Peltz and I approve this message!

Obama: He’s Black Enough

Posted in Art & Culture, Feminism (Shades of Gray), Hooray for Choice!, I heart hip hop, politics, Rock & Roll with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2008 by alphabetfiend

“All I need is my blackness, some others seem to lack this.”

Schooly D says “Obama’s black enough!”

In light of last night’s “THAT ONE” comment made by McCain about Obama, I thought I’d post this most wondrous thing which I watched almost daily last spring. The McCain camp can turn the race screws and that might work on some but there’s tons of people out there who, like me, are absolutely giddy to see a black man this close to the White House. This is how change happens. Barriers are knocked down and change charges in. It’s not about politics for me so much as it’s about human rights. Race, yes. But also gay and gender rights. It affects all of us everytime one of us wins. So point out his blackness all you want Repubs. Yes, he’s black and it’s a beautiful thing.

“That one,” points McCain. One WHAT???

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2008 by alphabetfiend

"I'm with ---> THAT ONE"

Dat one?

One what? What Dat?

Dat der negro boy.

I bristled when he said it during the debates but now they are saying on the news that the McCain Campaign is planning to use “THAT ONE” as a political slogan. I wanted to chalk McCain’s comment up to old age(preferable to dark age) but if it’s their new political motto then someone needs a beat down. Obviously they are trying to tap into people’s fears and create paranoia over Obama’s “otherness.” It was obvious they were going in that direction after Mean Girl Sarah Palin’s “palin’ around with terrorists” remark. They’re hoping to tap into America’s buried racism and deep xenophobia. The phrase is more than demeaning, it’s almost nanotech in nature. It’s meant to travel and replicate, reform, rework. It’s meant to get under people’s skin. It suggests Obama is Un-American. It points a finger and calls him what he is — BLACK.

Darren Davis, a professor at Notre Dame who specializes in role of race in politics, sent a comment to the Huffington Post  about McCain’s “that one” remark. “It speaks volumes about how McCain feels personally about Obama. Whomever said the town hall format helps McCain is dead wrong,” Davis wrote.  A few minutes later, Obama spokesman Bill Burton placed his foot on the pedal ever so slightly. In an email blast to reporters, he asks: “Did John McCain just refer to Obama as ‘that one’?”

America, they are trying to dig at your fears and poke around in your memories. Maybe when Grandpa was in front of the old black and white TV set and he shook his arthritic fingers with rage at the “OTHER” that threatened your safety. Or maybe the time grandma crushed your fingers and yanked you closer with a whispered warning to steer clear of “THAT ONE.” 

Is McCain crazy Grandpa?

Is Palin nutty Granny?

I just hope it’s true what they say, y’know, how once you go black, you never go back.

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