Archive for cartoons

“Cinderella” Dies at 81

Posted in Cinema & Filmmaking, Fame & Celebrity, Movies & Movie Stars, Mythos, Romance, Style & Fashion, Technicolor Pop, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 7, 2010 by alphabetfiend

OK, don’t freak out — Cinderella didn’t die because Cinderella shall live forever in Technicolor.

Ilene Woods died at 81. Ilene Woods was the voice — speaking & singing — of Cinderella in the Disney classic.

Woods was just 18 when Walt cast her as Cinderella, beating out 400 hopefuls for the coveted part. The fellas who wrote the lyrics for the feature film were friends of Ilene Woods — songwriters Mack David and Jerry Livingston — and so Woods sang in the demos that were submitted to Disney. Walt liked what he heard and gave Woods the part. How exciting that must’ve been!

I wanna be a cartoon!

I wanna end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard.

When I got my boobs & hips overnight, taking on a pronounced hour-glass shape of near fetishistic proportions, I was immediately hailed as “Betty Boop” by all the boys (much to my dad’s dismay.) The Boop thing continues to this day but before that, I was called “Cinderelli” by my father. If I felt the least bit put upon or taken for granted (as the oldest of six, I often had cause to feel grumbly) Dad would mercilessly tease me in sing-song, “Wash the dishes, Cinderelli! Fold the linens, Cinderelli! Sweep the hearth, Cinderelli! Serve us stew, Cinderelli!”

Only I had no mice or birds to make me gowns of cast away gewgaws. O woe! I want mice and birds! I want a perfectly drawn up-do. I want a pumpkin carriage.

I want GLASS SLIPPERS, the most dreamy and absurd accessory of all. As silly as the diamond-soled shoes that Paul Simon sang of, “People say she’s crazy, she got diamonds on the soles of her shoes, well that’s one way to lose these walking blues. Diamonds on the soles of her shoes!”

Yes, I wanna be the itty-bitty specimen of footly perfection that slips, effortlessly, into that magical high-heel.

It looks like Woods had a real-life pair of glass slippers! (She’s posing with the heels in the above photo.) Lucky lucky cartoon lady.

Ilene Woods said that the best part about playing Cinderella in the timeless classic was that her children (and her children’s children and so on) would be able to connect with her long after she parted.

I wonder if they’ve watched the film since her death on July 1st.

Maybe their hearts are still too raw for that.

Like Janet Jackson was, after Michael Jackson died, when the film “This Is It” was in theatres. Janet refused to see the film, citing her grief and a lack of readyness. Someday, she said, Not yet. Not now.

After my Dad died we continued to pay his cell bill, for months, because we couldn’t give up the comfort of that phone number. We’d call the number just to hear his voice on the message. It was kind of like pushing a big purple bruise, flinching, ouch, and then you push it again. When I finally decided to disconnect the phone, I checked his voicemail one last time and was astounded to find that calls had been pouring in, at all hours of the day and night, from family, friends, kids, cousins, nephews, even his dry-cleaner/tailor who had once turned the flag my dad stole from the post-office into a subversively patriotic shirt. It took me forever to listen to all the messages, as people spoke to him with desperate yearning.

How could you do this to me, Paul? asked one friend, You sonofabitch asshole cocksucker. Why’d you leave me here alone?

Losing a loved one is never easy. I can only imagine how hard it would be if your mother was CINDERELLA. Maybe it is too soon for Ilene’s family to cuddle on the couch and watch as Cinderella enchants Prince Charming. But someday they will and Woods is right, that film will be a gift that keeps on giving.

Bon Voyage, Cinder-Ilene! I hope you are traveling by coach. I hope the journey is magical and Technicolor and glorious. I hope you are wearing your glass slippers.

 

**For more info, see Animation Magazine.  **“I wanna end up a cartoon in a cartoon graveyard”  is from “You Can Call me Al,” yet another song by Paul Simon.

Hank Hill Votes for Obama!

Posted in I Heart Funny Femmes, politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2008 by alphabetfiend
Hank Hill is not amused by the dumbass-ery of the Republican ticket. Both the ever-logical Mr. Hill and his dog-duchess Ladybird are voting for Obama. It’s a smart move considering his son’s penchant for show tunes & drag. Yes, Bobby likes girls, yes, and he and Connie were “goin’ together.”  As a hag, I know a little about fags and their love-hate relationship with the ladies. As a lady whose gent is a real-life grown up Bobby Hill, I can also forsee a future for Bobby as a bonafide ladie’s man. Either way, it’s all good.
1203-1.png picture by plushied
To be safe, Hank & Peggy best say no to Palin. The Veep nom is not what you’d call “gay-friendly.”  Sure, she “tolerates” gays with all her heart while viewing them as an evil mutation that deserves the AIDS and the dark-alley beatings and whatever else might befall them before they meet their due deaths and are sent straight to hell. The Hills still believe in the American Dream and they want that for Bobby, who is their first born son and only child thanks to Hank’s narrow urethra. Bobby’s questionable sexuality wasn’t part of that dream back when the Hills were first dreaming and sure, they struggle. After all, who wants their child’s future to include those back-alley beatings or the disdain of piggish haters like Palin who want to keep them legally less-than. Yup. Who indeed?  
 
Hank4Obama-1-1.jpg picture by plushied

Sadly, the similarities between The McCain-Palin ticket and the animated Hill family are more than skin deep:

  • Peggy’s a (substitute) Spanish teacher whose Spanish is barely passable, but don’t tell her that! Peggy thinks she’s “mooey prolifico in talkito el Spaniard.” Sigh. All you teachers, your reward is in heaven. Peggy loves to play Boggle and the blame game. Peggy knows all about grrl-power and nothing about feminism. Peggy thinks if you can run your household, you can run the world. Peggy’s glasses suit her.
  • Cotton’s a rageaholic war monger. Cotton’s “cut off at the knees” and is proud to be an emotional cripple who barely knows his children. Cotton’s an abusive tyrant who thinks his military service excuses any and all bad behavior. Cotton’s led a long life of hard livin’ and when he dies, his legacy will be left in the hands of his unworldly concubine cum redneck youngin’. Cotton can’t get past what his enemies did to him during his vaunted military service. Cotton lacks class. He’s a sexist, violent ego-maniac whose old war stories are really getting old.

There are a few differences:

  • Peggy Hill may “tolerate” the gays now but that will change the minute Bobby Hill comes out of the closet, if not before. Peggy accepts Bobby as he is. If her son is gay, then Peggy will say that “gay’s the way to be.” I tell you whut. Even Hank, hard as he fights it, would accept his son and by proxy his son’s hubby. I spy Hank & Peggy — future members of PFLAG!
  • Cotton did not crash — is it 5 or 7?–  planes and then get himself captured. Cotton would never be captured. Cotton’s not a coward, but he is a lunatic. Good luck capturing Cotton. (In actuality, Cotton is even less alive then McCain and not just because he’s make-believe.)

No wonder Larry Flint cast Peggy as porn-star Palin in his latest political project Nailin Pailin!  And of course Cotton Hill starred as John McCain! An obvious choice. But poor poor Hank.  The things Hank saw while a tool-fluffer on Flint’s film! Now that’s XXX wrong. Argh! Burns the eyeballs! As if Hank weren’t already soured on the McCain-Palin ticket!

So Hank is voting for Obama. And Homer’s voting Obama too. Toons for Truth!

What’s funny in Arlen is not so funny in Washington.

What’s not funny in Washington is even less funny in my hometown and yours.

What happens in Washington does not STAY in Washington. Instead it “trickles down” (yea right) and leaves us damp and moldy. It makes like The Blob and oozes across state lines (bread lines?) Bubbles beneath door jambs, creeps into our homes. Bad decisions made by politicians become our problems. Make a list of your current ills and consider. Yup. I know. Bummer, isn’t it? Now think abroad, imagine the lists of others and how American politics has had a hand in that. Yup. Beyond bummer. Don’t let the 2008 election be your bad decision. 

Homer knows better, Hank knows better.

We know better.

Don’t we?

Little LuLu I Love You-you Yes I Do

Posted in Art & Culture, I Heart My Love-Tribe, Spirituality & Religion with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 28, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Camille Rose Garcia’s paintings are truly phenomenal — like ESP or a poltergeist loose in the kitchen. Something has happened that is so outside the realm of everyday “reality” that you are forever changed.  Fated to be a fringe-dweller. Now it’s you, the witchy strange in the room, the dollfaced oddball who believes in ghosts. You’re the one. Crooked curved shoulders, pitch black curls, a “believes in the impossible kind of girl. 

You are a premonition and everyone’s looking.

When I first saw this pirate lass by CRG, I thought I’d found my seafaring alter-ego. I wanted so bad to be her, for her to be me.  Those stripey bloomers! Those boots! That hat!  An octopus? A genie bottle?  Me me me, mine, all mine.  But then I looked closer at her hat.  Lulu.  Lulu?  Lulu!  Damn, turns out she wasn’t pirate-me.  She was Lulu. My little sister, being a Lulu herself, clearly had dibs.

 

My sister is the subject of this piece by Camille Rose Garcia. Not really. But kinda. Enough to make my eyes a jealous shade of green.

My sister is the subject of this piece by Camille Rose Garcia. Not really. But kinda. Enough to make my eyes a jealous shade of green.

 

My lucky “Little Lulu” is a year older today.  Liz is the pirate (the hat insists) and I am the genie in that thar’ bottle. I do like to grant little-sisterly wishes when I’m able.  Suchly, Liz is getting a ship on her hip. A tattoo from Tina Forever is my gift to her (plus MAC makeup from the Naughty/Knotty Nauticals line.)  The ship is surely a salute to our father, our lost captain, and to a childhood spent on the great lakes.  Also it speaks to battling fears as Liz almost died/drowned as a tot.  Well, here’s to it, Lulu, I’m glad you stayed around and happy birthday…. oh and matey, where ever did you get yer stripey pirate pants as I absolutely must have a pair for my very own?

 

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“Using Mama’s lipstick for the letters she writes, using Daddy’s neckties for the tails on her kite!”  Little Lulu is a troublemaker toon.

When my Lou was a baby our mom used to put her hair into little piggle-tails which wound into two single ringlets, little corkscrews like real piggy tails, and like a certain naughty comic strip character. 

Lulu needs an atti(toon) adjustment. Cheer up! The world loves you little Lulu, yes it do-do. (happy b-day, beautiful)

Lulu needs an atti(toon) adjustment. Cheer up! The world loves you little Lulu, yes it do-do. (happy b-day, beautiful)

 Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

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