Archive for David Letterman

Aniston Gives Letterman her GQ Nudie-Spread Necktie

Posted in Fame & Celebrity, Star F*#ker with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on December 18, 2008 by alphabetfiend

“Well you know what they say about guys with short ties.” — David Letterman

Jennifer Aniston was on David Letterman last night. They discussed her recent birthday suit photo shoot for GQ magazine, at which point Jen presented Dave with a tie box — inside was the tie that barely covered Jen on GQ’s sexy cover.

1128715

The tie is damn sexy as ties go — whether it was on a naked Aniston or not. Kinda patriotic meets Brit punk. Unfortunately, the tie was too short for Letterman… either that or he had it tied that way for extra laughs. I felt bad for Jen cause she was so giddy over the gift and then he was rather ungracious. And really guys, let’s be honest, it’s plenty long (and plenty silky) enough to wrap it around your nuts & wiener for a little tug and moan.

It was hot how Dave started stripping and put the tie on right then and there. Too bad he had to be dickish when it didn’t fit. Though the Robot Boy does not think he was dickish so I maybe I’m just over-sensitive.

Advertisements

McCain in Bush’s Pocket, Playing Pool

Posted in Hooray for Choice!, Mythos, politics with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 8, 2008 by alphabetfiend
Is McCain Bush's Bitch?

Is McCain Bush's Bitch?

The Obama Campaign has claimed that John McCain has voted with President Bush 95% of the time and, according to the Congressional Quarterley’s assessment of McCain’s voting record, that’s a fact.  I can’t bear any more Bush. I’m bushed! So that 95% has me freaked. And apparently I’m not the only one. According to a USA Today/Gallup poll, two in three Americans are also freaking. We don’t want a W’s mini-me to take over. We’re concerned that McCain’s policies are Bush’s policies and that McCain is just running for a third Bush term. Almost half — 49% — of us are “very concerned” that McCain is more of the same. He is. We should be worried. McCain was once his own man. Maybe he was even a “maverick” as he wont to boast. He hasn’t always had his hand in the Dub’s unzipped fly. Once upon a time he even balked at Bush. But no more. As Juan Cole said, “Both at home and abroad, McCain appears intent on abandoning some of his most deeply cherished personal values, including his commitment to secular values and distaste for religious bigotry, in favor of catering to the great W. coalition of white evangelicals and security-obsessed conservatives. Like Bush, his mantras are war and belligerence abroad.”  Well, that’s worrisome. We don’t want war and belligerence. We don’t want a man who would abandon his values. McCain ran in 2000 as himself and lost. To Bush. This time he’s running as Bush.

Dr. Evil Squared

Dr. Evil Squared

See that, we’re obviously all bothered by the resemblance because while trolling for piks, I found that someone had photo shopped a Bush-McCain mini-me. Perfect for this post but otherwise, a sad state of affairs.In an article titled “Want more Bush? Elect McCain” Helen Thomas wrote

“Sen. John McCain is moving to the right. McCain also has gone out of his way to cozy up to President Bush after their bitter rift in the 2000 presidential campaign. McCain is a strong supporter of the invasion and occupation of Iraq and believes the number of U.S. troops there should be beefed up. He is against abortion rights and gun-control laws and believes students should be taught the religion-oriented “intelligent design” theory of creation as well as the theory of scientific evolution. With his “hail fellow well met” persona and tendency to jaw with the media and pundits in the back of the campaign bus, he has created the impression in some quarters that he is a “moderate.” Forget it. His voting record speaks for itself.”

America loves mythos. McCain’s “Maverick” moderate POW good-soldier-hero white-man thang is something we wanna to hang onto. Some of us just can’t give up the ghost. Meanwhile, McCain slipped into Bush’s shadow with surprising ease. The gap between the mythos of McCain and the political reality is ever widening. After McCain cancelled his appearance on The Late Show, Letterman said, “This is not the John McCain I know, by God. This doesn’t smell right. This is not the way a tested hero behaves. A hero. An honest to God hero, an American hero, maybe the only actual hero that I know. I’ve met the guy, I know the guy. So I’m more than a little disappointed by this behavior. ‘We’re suspending the campaign.’  Are we suspending the campaign because there’s an economic crisis or because the polls are sliding.” Like Letterman, Margaret Cho gave voice to McCain’s mythos and the ways that we struggle to hold on to it. Cho blogged, “I am not voting for McCain. I hope that is obvious. I am sick of every one saying – ‘He was a good soldier. He was a good soldier. Um yeah. He was captured. So he was not that good.” The facade is crumbling. If McCain doesn’t honor who he used to be (or claims to be) then why should we?

In an amazing beautifully written Salon article titled “John McCain is George Bush” Jaun Cole wrote,

“In July of 2004, Bush abruptly announced that he was looking into whether Iran played a role in the Sept. 11 attacks on the U.S.  The whole fantastic set of allegations was immediately denied by Bush’s own intelligence officials. Hawkishness toward Iran was one way for Bush to take the focus off his failures in Iraq. Bush by his belligerence appealed to a combination of evangelical holy warriors and so-called national-security conservatives, and McCain seems poised to move in the same direction. Echoing Bush’s fear-mongering about the Islamic world, which by August 2006, two years after his reelection, regularly included references to so-called Islamic fascism, McCain maintains that the “transcendent” challenge facing the United States in 2008 is “radical Islamic extremism.” McCain alleges that “al-Qaida in Iraq” will “follow us home” if the U.S. withdraws from that country. McCain takes this line even though most Muslim countries are close allies of the United States and Osama bin Laden’s al-Qaida has been revealed to be a small fringe, now in disarray. McCain himself has joked about bombing Iran, to the tune of an old Beach Boys song.”

Remember that? Are you down with that? Do you want that in The White House? Do we want McCain’s insensitive, impulsive, petty finger on the button. Bush’s war has been a catastrophe. We can’t afford another war-monger. Especially one who, by his own admission, has always aspired to be a dictator and who thinks we should occupy Irag for the next 100 years.

Bush’s signature project has been the war in Iraq, which he has managed like a veteran Las Vegas magician, with a misdirection and legerdemain that can make a whole elephant disappear. Despite nearly 4,000 U.S. soldiers killed, 30,000 wounded, hundreds of thousands of Iraqis killed, millions displaced internally and abroad, the creation of a new and serious terrorism problem, high fuel costs at home, and the entire lack of any obvious benefit from the whole endeavor to the American people, more than 40 percent of Americans now say the U.S. is making progress in establishing civil order in that country. McCain went to the same David Coppersmith School of Prestidigitation as Bush. He says he is dedicated to nothing less than complete military victory in Iraq and the maintenance of bases in that country for as much as a century, and his audiences do not appear to break out in derisive laughter. (Juan Cole)

Ha ha he he ha ha heeee ha ha hee hee ho ho. he he he. Snort. snort. Sob sob sob. boo boo hoo. boo! boo!

Surely lack of health insurance for tens of millions, loss of good jobs, blighted cities like Detroit and New Orleans, and erosion of key civil liberties are a more “transcendent challenge” than the activities of small cultlike groups that are finding it harder and harder to operate on the soil of Middle Eastern and European allies of the U.S. But that’s not to say that McCain isn’t pushing a domestic agenda as well. McCain does have a domestic agenda. It’s George Bush’s. If he is elected, it will be “Groundhog Day,” the Bill Murray film about a character doomed to live through the same day over and over again. (Juan Cole)

Nooooooo! I hated that movie! I hated that President! I’m with Homer Simpson — it is time for a change, Homey.

Holy Suffering, BushMan!

Holy Suffering, BushMan!

Can you and your friends tell the difference between George Bush and John McCain? Take the Bush-McCain challenge!

McCain Dreams of Dictatorship! Isn’t that a Deal-breaker?

Posted in politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Who’d a thunk that a presidential nominee could say he’s always aspired to be a dictator and America would just nod, “Well, isn’t that nice, it’s good to have a dream. Think big, boy, think big.”  OK, maybe we didn’t say that but we said nothing. Nothing. Like it’s no biggie. How can that be? If we elect John McCain, that’ll be all the atta-boy he needs. He’s running for President of the United States but he wants more power than the oval office allows. Are we down with a dictator, America?

Captain America sez "Down with Dictators!"

Captain America sez "I'm voting for the guy who's not a dictator. And doesn't want to be."

I was gonna write about Californication yesterday… but then McCain said some crazy scary shite even for him. Clear as day, easy as pie, like it was a familiar thought, John McCain said “If I were a dictator, which I always aspire to be –“ and my jaw dropped. My solar plexus tightened. I got the wicked chills. Writing about a sexy TV show went straight out the window. Instead I furiously typed away in a rush to post before McCain’s comments hit the evening news and the clip blew up all over the net (it’s on video, there’s no rumor, there’s no innuendo.) But I haven’t heard a peep about it and the piece I posted has had only a handful of hits. This worries me. This should’ve raised some hackles.

But this hubby & his honey moment was evil?

This hubby & his honey moment was pure evil.

After Senator Barrack Obama received the democratic nomination, he and (future first lady, fingers crossed) Michelle Obama shared a “we did it, baby” fist bump. That innocent gesture had everyone so spooked that the Obamas were accused of being Taliban-supporting terrorists. Yet McCain confesses that he has always aspired to be a dictator and it’s not even a blip on the radar? Maybe I’m naive but that surprises me. America is a Democracy not a Dictatorship. A presidential nominee should be the first to uphold our country’s vaunted “democratic ideals.” Why is no one saying “What up with that, old man? Wanna take it outside?” Aren’t those fighting words in this the old U-S-of-A? It oughta warrant a tighty-whitey wedgie at the very least.

Normally, I loves me a maverick but McCain doesn’t deserve his nickname. Not anymore. He’s a loose cannon nutball, not an outlaw trickster with a fresh vision and a brave plan. And now that he’s saying I’ve always aspired to be a dictator, well, I have to wonder if maverick is just code for something darker and more sinister.

Mao is a gas as Mickey but in real life, no. No no no.

Despite being a recent pop fad, dictators are still evil despots. McCain’s comment oughta be a deal breaker. Dictators are death. They’re silly as flocked Kozik busts but in real life, in our real lives, no good. No good! Bad. To the bone.

Is Pinko Smokin' Joe a McCain hero?

Is Pinko Joe a McCain hero?

I got the Robot Boy a Smoking Joe for his birthday and it’s a witty touch atop a stack of books on punk rock, trickster gods & Anarchy. But I would never invite the real Stalin over for cake and ice cream. The Robot Boy might — for the sake of dialogue — but political conversations can be a downer; toss in a Tyrant and that’s a real party pooper.

You’d think that McCain’s comment (“If I were a dictator, which I always aspire to be–“) would’ve dropped like a hot steaming turd all over the Republican Party. Party’s over, folks, go home and wash the stink off. Letterman was spot on when he said the McCain campaign’s “starting to smell.”

As my dad used to say — “No shit, Sherlock.”

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

Day Two of Letterman on McCain: No regrets, more punches

Posted in politics, TV with tags , , , , , , on September 26, 2008 by alphabetfiend

McCain canceled his Letterman appearance last night because he was supposedly rushing to the airport but then he gave Katie Couric the time alotted to Letterman and didn’t leave NYC until today (thursday.)  So Letterman mouthed off some more on tonight’s episode saying yesterday he was a “patriot” while today he is  “an ugly date.”  He offered a tongue-in-cheek chiding of McCain’s claim that he needed to “fix the financial crisis.” 

I won’t hold my breath for that superhero rescue. 

Imagine it!  McCain in tights and a solid gold codpiece shooting through the sooty sky, his cape emblazoned with a bling-bling “$” sign  — If anyone can, it’s Repub Man!  — swooping through the clouds in big cursive loop-dee-loops, signing the giant check in the sky.  Sigh.  Isn’t this the guy who has never handled even his household finances?  Maybe we should’ve invisioned Cindy McCain in cape & platinum pasties.  Or not.  And Palin won’t be much help either as evidenced by her interview with Couric.  We won’t be seeing her in barbarella bikini a la Polar Bear pelt and Thor-esque moose horns bravely battling on our behalf.  Which is for the best no doubt.

It’s just that like Bjork “I’m so bored of cowards.”  Especially when they are calling themselves maverick heroes and selflessly “suspending their campaign” so that they may fix what ails us.  Please.  By all means, go hawk yourself on Letterman and take part in debate, it’s ok really.  No really. You say you’re running for Prez so RUN.  Either you’re running for President or you are just running.  Pick one.

And hand over Palin to the press already.  This whole “Palin is off limits” thang is all kinda sketchy.

Letterman was right.  There’s a heady whiff of something rotten & my gag-reflex is kicking in.

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

%d bloggers like this: