Archive for Dia VanGunten

Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense — Chapter 7 DRAFT

Posted in Books & Writing, Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , on November 14, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Chapter 7 has moved

http://puresweetchocolatesense.wordpress.com/2008/12/08/pure-sweet-chocolate-sense-chapter-7/

Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense (chapter 6, part one, DRAFT)

Posted in Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense with tags , , , , , , , on November 13, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Chapter Six has moved

http://puresweetchocolatesense.wordpress.com/2008/12/07/pure-sweet-chocolate-sense-chapter-six/

Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense — chapter 5 draft

Posted in Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense with tags , , , , , on November 9, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Chapter 5 has moved

http://puresweetchocolatesense.wordpress.com/2008/12/07/pure-sweet-chocolate-sense-chapter-five/

Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense (Chapter 3 + 4 Draft)

Posted in Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense with tags , , , , , , on November 8, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Chapter Three has moved to PSCS’s  own wordpress home

http://puresweetchocolatesense.wordpress.com/2008/12/07/pure-sweet-chocolate-sense-chapter-two-2/

Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense (Chapter 2, DRAFT)

Posted in Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense with tags , , , , , on November 7, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Chapter Two has moved to its own wordpress home

http://puresweetchocolatesense.wordpress.com/2008/12/07/pure-sweet-chocolate-sense-chapter-two/

Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense (chapter 1, DRAFT)

Posted in Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense with tags , , , , , on November 6, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Chapter One of Pure Sweet Chocolate Sense has been moved to

http://puresweetchocolatesense.wordpress.com/2008/12/07/pure-sweet-chocolate-sense-chapter-one-draft-1/

Thanks for looking in on it! It’ll be easier to follow the book now that it has its own home on wordpress.

W.W.A.M.D? Tina Fey’s Palin “Not afraid to get mavericky.”

Posted in I Heart Funny Femmes, politics, Sex & XXX, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2008 by alphabetfiend

W.W.A.M.D?

What Would a Maverick Do?

Tina Fey — a sparkle in the dark midnight. Again.  Finally someone mentioned Palin’s “I tolerate the gays” crap! That yuck has been a pebble in my shoe for days. Done beautifully, of course. Queen Latifah as Gwen Ifill. I need a “W.W.A.M.D?” bracelet like 10 minutes ago. If I wasn’t so lazy I’d start screening t-shirts. You MUST watch it for yourself. And even if you caught SNL you should give it another go because (while attempting to post the NBC clip, and failing) I laughed at different things every time. I was able to post it on myspace however. Here are some highlights, word for delicious word.  Didn’t I say that Tina Fey would shed some light?

Tina Fey illuminates....

Tina Fey illuminates....

           For starters…

  • Can I call you Joe? OK. Cause I practiced a few zingers where I called you Joe.
  • I love John McCain. He’s one of my dearest friends. but at the same time he’s also dangerously unbalanced. I mean let’s be frank, John McCain, and again this is a man I would take a bullet for, is bad at his job and mentally unstable. As my mother would say, God love him but he’s a raging maniac. And a dear dear friend. 

          When asked about the financial crisis:

  • Y’know John McCain and I, we’re a couple of mavericks and gosh darnitt, we’re gonna take that maverick energy right to Washington and we’re gonna use it to fix this financial crisis and everything else that plagues this great country of ours.

          How will you solve the financial crisis being a maverick?

  • Y’know we’re gonna take every aspect of the crisis and look at it and then we’re gonna ask ourselves what would a maverick do in this situation and then y’know we’ll do that.
  • John McCain voted against Wall Street regulations 41 times. Let me repeat that. 41 times. And again this is a man I love. If I had to spend the rest of my life stranded on a desert island with only one other person it would be John McCain. No doubt about it. I mean you should see my face light up when he walks into a room.

          Insiders & Outsiders:

  • Also too you see I think a little differently from an insider. I don’t think it’s patriotic to pay more taxes. I don’t think it’s patriotic to criticize these wars we got goin’ on. I do think it’s patriotic to tell the government ‘hey, get outta my way, stop tryin’ to impose on my right to shoot wolves from a helicopter.”
  • I come from Scranton Pennsylvania and that’s as hard-scrabble a place as you’re ever gonna find. It’s a hell hole. An absolute jerkwater of a town. it’s just an awful awful sad place filled with sad desperate people. Nobody and I mean nobody but me has ever come outta that place. It’s a genetic cesspool. So don’t be telling me that I’m part of the Washington elite cause I come from the absolute WORST place on earth.  Scranton Pennsylvania.  And Wilmington Delawares not much better.

          On global warming:

  • We don’t know if this climate change whoozie whatzie is man made or if it’s just a natural part of the end of days. But I’m not gonna talk about that. I would like to talk about taxes. Because with Barrack Obama yer gonna be paying higher taxes. But not with me and my fellow maverick. We are not afraid to get mavericky in there and ruffle feathers and not got to allow that and also too, the great Ronald Reagan.

          On same-sex marriage:

  • In an Obama-Biden administration same sex couples would be given the same property rights, rights to insurance and rights of ownership as heterosexual couples. There will be no distinction.

           So to clarify, do you support gay marriage?

  • Absolutely not. But I do think they should be allowed to visit one another in the hospital and in a lot of ways that’s just as good if not better.
  • Y’know I would be afraid of where that would lead. I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers. But don’t think I don’t tolerate gay people cause I do. I tolerate  them with all my heart.

          On Health care Regulation?

  • I’m gonna ignore that question. And instead talk about Israel. I love Israel so much. Bless its heart. There’s a special place for Israel in heaven. And I know some people are gonna say that I’m only saying that to pander to Florida voters but from a very young age my two greatest loves were always Jews and Cuban food.

           A now a chance to make a closing statement:

  • Oh, are we not doing the talent portion?
  • Sure there were moments when I wanted to say “Hey, this lady’s a dummy!” But I didn’t because Joe Biden is better than that. I repeat. Joe Biden is BETTER  than THAT.
  • I liked being here tonight answering these tough questions without the filter of the mainstream “gotcha!” media with their follow up questions, fact checking or incessant need to figure out what yer words mean or why you put them in that order. 
We should all repay Fey with sexual favors. It's the least we could do.

We should all repay Fey with sexual favors. It's the least we could do.

If Margaret Cho goes down on Sarah Palin, as she’s offered to do, then I’m so gonna suckle Tina Fey. Or if she’d prefer, she could totally do me with a strap-on. Whatever Tina Fey wants. She’s a sexy bitch… and plus, I feel like I owe her. No anal though. I don’t owe her that much.

Peggy Hill to Star in Palin Porn?

Posted in I Heart Funny Femmes, politics, Porn Stars are Peeple too, Sex & XXX, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 5, 2008 by alphabetfiend
Is Peggy Hill the Palin look-a-like to star in Larry Flint’s “Nailin Palin”?
Peggy & Palin are both impressed with themselves

Peggy & Palin are both impressed with themselves

In my last post about the Palin porn, I confessed my cartoon kink. Dirty cartoons are some silly sexy.  Peggy’s perfect for the part. (Palin and Peggy have lots in common; they’re both unqualified idiots who only think they’re smart.) Peggy could stick her giant feet up McCain’s arse-hole and then Hank could show up with his hammer and then the rest. How’s that for Joe Six-Pack? I bet Boomhauer’s huge! That’s why he gets all that boom-boom. It wouldn’t be Peggy’s first foray into porn. She once did online foot fetish videos. If Flint came a knocking, I tell-you-whut, he got hit with Hank’s hammer. (giggety) Hank was all like “I’m the King of this hill!” So Larry cast someone else.
I'm probably the only one who'd prefer Peggy

I'd prefer Peggy -- I'm alone in that no doubt.

Her name is Lisa Ann and she was paid $3000 to star in the Hustler flick. Porn star Nina Hartley was cast as Hillary. I spy some XXX girl-on-girl action. Hope Hartley was careful with her tongue cause like Margaret Cho said, “You know that thing is frozen.” Hartley’s lucky she wasn’t lapping at the real Palin or else it could’ve been a very gross reenactment of the frozen pole (giggety) scene from Christmas Story.

Watch where you put yer tongue!

Watch where you put yer tongue!

 Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak from Austin, Texas.

McCain Dreams of Dictatorship! Isn’t that a Deal-breaker?

Posted in politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Who’d a thunk that a presidential nominee could say he’s always aspired to be a dictator and America would just nod, “Well, isn’t that nice, it’s good to have a dream. Think big, boy, think big.”  OK, maybe we didn’t say that but we said nothing. Nothing. Like it’s no biggie. How can that be? If we elect John McCain, that’ll be all the atta-boy he needs. He’s running for President of the United States but he wants more power than the oval office allows. Are we down with a dictator, America?

Captain America sez "Down with Dictators!"

Captain America sez "I'm voting for the guy who's not a dictator. And doesn't want to be."

I was gonna write about Californication yesterday… but then McCain said some crazy scary shite even for him. Clear as day, easy as pie, like it was a familiar thought, John McCain said “If I were a dictator, which I always aspire to be –“ and my jaw dropped. My solar plexus tightened. I got the wicked chills. Writing about a sexy TV show went straight out the window. Instead I furiously typed away in a rush to post before McCain’s comments hit the evening news and the clip blew up all over the net (it’s on video, there’s no rumor, there’s no innuendo.) But I haven’t heard a peep about it and the piece I posted has had only a handful of hits. This worries me. This should’ve raised some hackles.

But this hubby & his honey moment was evil?

This hubby & his honey moment was pure evil.

After Senator Barrack Obama received the democratic nomination, he and (future first lady, fingers crossed) Michelle Obama shared a “we did it, baby” fist bump. That innocent gesture had everyone so spooked that the Obamas were accused of being Taliban-supporting terrorists. Yet McCain confesses that he has always aspired to be a dictator and it’s not even a blip on the radar? Maybe I’m naive but that surprises me. America is a Democracy not a Dictatorship. A presidential nominee should be the first to uphold our country’s vaunted “democratic ideals.” Why is no one saying “What up with that, old man? Wanna take it outside?” Aren’t those fighting words in this the old U-S-of-A? It oughta warrant a tighty-whitey wedgie at the very least.

Normally, I loves me a maverick but McCain doesn’t deserve his nickname. Not anymore. He’s a loose cannon nutball, not an outlaw trickster with a fresh vision and a brave plan. And now that he’s saying I’ve always aspired to be a dictator, well, I have to wonder if maverick is just code for something darker and more sinister.

Mao is a gas as Mickey but in real life, no. No no no.

Despite being a recent pop fad, dictators are still evil despots. McCain’s comment oughta be a deal breaker. Dictators are death. They’re silly as flocked Kozik busts but in real life, in our real lives, no good. No good! Bad. To the bone.

Is Pinko Smokin' Joe a McCain hero?

Is Pinko Joe a McCain hero?

I got the Robot Boy a Smoking Joe for his birthday and it’s a witty touch atop a stack of books on punk rock, trickster gods & Anarchy. But I would never invite the real Stalin over for cake and ice cream. The Robot Boy might — for the sake of dialogue — but political conversations can be a downer; toss in a Tyrant and that’s a real party pooper.

You’d think that McCain’s comment (“If I were a dictator, which I always aspire to be–“) would’ve dropped like a hot steaming turd all over the Republican Party. Party’s over, folks, go home and wash the stink off. Letterman was spot on when he said the McCain campaign’s “starting to smell.”

As my dad used to say — “No shit, Sherlock.”

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

Whose drunk after the debate?

Posted in politics, Rock & Roll, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 3, 2008 by alphabetfiend
Folks bein' "out sick" tomorrow not gonna help the economy.

Folks bein' "out sick" tomorrow not gonna help the economy.

Were you knocking back shots every time someone said “taxes”?

Get thee to the ER!

A Joe Six-pack swig for every Palin “you betcha!” or “also”?

Uh oh.

A fiery gulp of whiskey for every call to “change”?

Don’t sleep on your back tonight.

For those of you too drunk to know,  Joe definitely did the best jaw job. “Overwhelmingly,” stresses the Robot Boy. Sarah Palin was hilarious once she got over her moose-in-the-headlights panic. I spy Tina Fey practicing in the mirror! God bless her. Her reward is in heaven. Quick question though, “Who the hell is Talibani?”

The laughs were wonderful gut busters but Biden won. Clearly.

In crossword puzzles, they call that a “ROUT.”

 

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

%d bloggers like this: