Archive for I Heart Holidays

Junko Mizuno Makes Me Jizz

Posted in Art & Culture, Art Lover, Goof & Glamour, I Heart Holidays, I Heart Shaman*Art, Psyche & Sexuality, SPOOKY KABUKI with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 4, 2010 by alphabetfiend

Well, freaks, it’s October. You know what that means, right?

It means my evil alter Spooky Kabuki is in a witchy crouch over Cream Scene Carnival so expect some cauldron-stirring.

Things are crazy for me now but I WILL get it together and deliver the crazy cool stuff that Spook-Kabuk has been saving up.

 

Such as what? Well, how bout a Mark Ryden inspired interior? Or the coolest ouiji boards ever? Plus while we got ouiji on the brain we must discuss Weegee’s crime scene photography. There’s steampunk rayguns that go up yer butt & movies that’ll scare the shit outta ya.

Ghost stories, voodoo chants, a gypsy curse or tw0 or three.

Plus, an amazing array of creepy art by a hoodoo slew of artists such as the wicked Junko Mizuno. You’ll be hearing more about that talented hag so stay tuned.

*All art by Junko Mizuno

Do I get Extra Pirate Points For Having the Coolest Eye-Patch?

Posted in Goof & Glamour, I Heart Holidays, I Heart My Love-Tribe, In Celebration of the Absurd with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 20, 2010 by alphabetfiend

Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day, for those of you who might not already know. I’m sure most of you have been bombarded with Aaaaargh’s and Aye Matey’s all day long.

I’m nutter for holidays. I relish any opportunity for full-blown festivity. Seriously. Just ask my peeps and wait for the groans. But aside from calling my pup a PAWrate today, I really haven’t been making an effort.

Will it make up for my lack of pirate-talk if I post a picture of me-as-Plush D* in what is surely the coolest eye-patch ever?

 

Bedecked with outlaw bling, this sucker is a beloved treasure. Is it any wonder why? Yes, I know you are jealous. I can’t help that. Don’t hate me because my eye-patch is beautiful.

Extra points?

Extra points for being a glam wench with lotsa BOOTY? Y’know, pirate booty, like loot; jewels, gems, bling-bling, gewgaws. Oh, and ASS. I gotsa lotsa ass. AYE am an assly lass.

Ham, I Am

Posted in Alphabetfiend, Art & Culture, Goof & Glamour, In Celebration of the Absurd, Top 2% of Coolest Mofos with tags , , , , , , , , , on September 15, 2010 by alphabetfiend

It was Christmas Eve and we were stuffing stockings.

I’d brought a big pack of butcher shop stickers, from the store. Mom opened the pack and began passing them out amongst the family members.

Rack of ribs for Sutton, a slab of bacon for Sky.

She held up the big, pink, bone-in ham, “Who gets the ham?” she asked and the normally quite Robot piped up.

“Dia!” he exclaimed, like DUH!

And everybody laughed and laughed, including me.

Yep. Ham, I am.

Painting by Mark Ryden. Go to his website, where you will be filled with an unbearable longing, thinking to yourself “How can I hurry up and get rich so’s I can someday afford a Ryden???”

I’ll Be Spending Xmas with Gerard Butler

Posted in Art & Culture, I Heart Holidays, Movies & Movie Stars, Technicolor Pop with tags , , , , , on December 16, 2008 by alphabetfiend

All my future holidays will be spent with Gerard Butler. He’ll carve the turkey, he’ll spike the nog. He’ll piss in the snow and put my brothers in headlocks. He’ll be baby-daddy to my little kiddies, I mean my little nieces and nephews. (Sorry Cha, that photo I chose of Butler’s blue-jean clad crotch had me, um, momentarily mmm distracted. That’ll never happen once you two are married. Once he’s yer hubby I’ll forget he was ever a hottie.) Yep, my sisterly friend Cha Cha is going to be Gerard Butler’s bride and those nieces and nephews are gonna be ungodly insanely beautiful. Devilishly beautiful.

gerard_butler

That’s right, bitches, hands off! He’s Cha’s man! Well, not yet, first I have to write a screenplay… okay first I have to figure out how to write a screen play (novels, I know, screenplays, not so much.) Then that screenplay will become a movie and Cha will dress like a Latino hoochie and strut about on set. THEN eyes will meet, souls will meld and uglies will bump.

Then I’ll be the prettiest bridesmaid possible next to the MOST BEAUTIFUL bride ever and then will come those happy holidays spent with Mr. Butler giving Mrs. Butler a festive dry-hump beneath the mistletoe.

So, any ideas out there for a good GB movie? I need to get on this cause I only just now got this email from Cha:

Dear Dia –

After thinking about your desire to get into screenwriting, I have a request.

Please write a vehicle which can star Gerard Butler.

I am pretty sure we are meant to be but just need an introduction.

Thanks for helping me find my future mate!

CC

Before this note, which I only just received 10 minutes ago, I had no idea that Butler was my friend’s soul mate or the star of my very first screenplay. Please! Send GB script ideas my way. I need to write it, sell it, and get Cha married off to Gerard all before next Christmas cause he is sooo setting up the giant glowing Rudolph that roosts on the roof. I can’t be bothered with it, I’m too busy writing on a furry stocking in glitter-glue cursive letters: G-E-R-A-R-D.

Let It Snow Some Mo!

Posted in I Heart Holidays with tags , , , , , on December 11, 2008 by alphabetfiend

I’m still just giddy over Austin’s rare snowfall. What a Christmasy treat. Like Egg Custard Pie.

In honor of topsy-turvy goodness like eggnog that’s bitten not chugged or snow in Austin, I give you this great ukulele Christmas carol. So grab your uke and join us in song!

If you don’t have a uke but you DO have some extra time on your hands, why not do a litle DIY and build you a hula strummer? Just imagine, you’ll be the life of the party at next year’s Xmas parties. Maybe you can make them into XXXmas parties: pile your neck with leis and see if chicks’ll show you their boobs in exchange for neon plastic blossoms. Plus you can participate in bitchin’ events like this poster advertises. How fun! The Uke! It’s the new banjo! (Wink wink .Werd.)

uke_out_poster4x6

 

Let it Snow! Let it Snow! Let it Snow!

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we’ve no place to go
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!
It doesn’t show signs of stopping
And I’ve bought some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight
How I’ll hate going out in the storm!
But if you’ll really hold me tight
All the way home I’ll be warm

The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we’re still goodbying
But as long as you love me so
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight
How I’ll hate going out in the storm!
But if you’ll really hold me tight
All the way home I’ll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we’re still goodbying
But as long as you love me so
Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow…!

Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow!

Posted in Dork Alert, I Heart Friends, I Heart Holidays, I Heart My Love-Tribe with tags , , , , , , , on December 11, 2008 by alphabetfiend
Ever since it started snowing on wordpress my heart has been aching for some real white stuff.  Being that I now live in Austin, Texas my wish for some Christmasy powder was rather improbable. But then again who woulda thought that it could snow in cyber space? Talk about improbable! And last night it snowed in A-TX too! Yay!

snow

The fun part about dating a teacher is that snow days have the same magic as they did when we were kids and snow days here in Austin don’t even have to be that snowy for the powers that be to shut the city down. So we were giddy last night and bummed this morning. Oh well. It was still nice. We’d spent the evening eating the nutmeggy custard pie that Cha Cha brought back from Houston (cause they’re my favorite, like eggnog as pie) and watching a Disney Christmas movie about Santa losing his weather robot which a couple kids then get a hold of — antics and an LA blizzard ensue. Yes, I must confess a wicked fetish for dorky Christmas movies. The Robot Boy tapes every schlocky one he can find on Lifetime or Hallmark and he’ll say “Here, I taped some porn for you” and my frown turns upside down when I find out that it’s about Santa’s daughter falling in love beneath a magic sprig of mistletoe. Oh oh oh yes yes yes ooooooooooo yes. Sigh of delight. At about 11pm Cha yawned and bundled up in her cutie pie coat. I kissed her sweet cheeks and made her promise to drive careful but she was back in a flash…

“It’s snowing!”

“It’s snowing?”

“It’s snowing!”

We stood on my porch in awe of the flurries and feeling sentimental. Shortly after we first met, years ago, I threw a valentine-making party that was made gorgously memorable by unplanned party games like snow ball fights and snow angels. Cha Cha wrapped her arms around me and we hugged in the falling snow. Awwww. I sure do love my Cha.

There wasn’t enough snow to build a fat Frosty but had we been warmer and less lazy we could’ve constructed a Samurai Robot like this one. How great is that? Whoever built a Samurai Robot is one cool mo-fo! One cold snow-fo! Fo sho!

snow-samurai

Austin’s mercurial weather never ceases to amaze me! Just last week my backyard was  a fall fantasy like a Carolina Hardagree painting  and today it was snow. This weekend? In the 70’s. Nutty. Chestnutty. Well Santa, thanks for the snow. As improbable as it seems, I must be on the nice list.  I may be naughty but I have loads of Christmas spirit!

 

Egg custard -- a christmasy concoction!

Egg custard -- a christmasy concoction!

Cha got my pie from Houston’s “House of Pies” but we’re gonna try our hands at making our own someday. Here’s a promising recipe if you wanna try your hand at eggnog you can bite into. Yum yum.

Egg Custard Pie

Ingredients:

  • 4 large eggs, lightly beaten
  • 1/2 cup granulated sugar
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2 1/2 cups milk
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla
  • grated nutmeg
  • pastry for 1 crust

Preparation:

Add sugar and salt to lightly beaten eggs; add milk and vanilla; mix to combine thoroughly. Pour into unbaked pie shell; sprinkle generously with nutmeg. Bake at 425° for 25 to 35 minutes, or until knife inserted in center comes out clean.

%d bloggers like this: