Archive for mccain

Hank Hill Votes for Obama!

Posted in I Heart Funny Femmes, politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 13, 2008 by alphabetfiend
Hank Hill is not amused by the dumbass-ery of the Republican ticket. Both the ever-logical Mr. Hill and his dog-duchess Ladybird are voting for Obama. It’s a smart move considering his son’s penchant for show tunes & drag. Yes, Bobby likes girls, yes, and he and Connie were “goin’ together.”  As a hag, I know a little about fags and their love-hate relationship with the ladies. As a lady whose gent is a real-life grown up Bobby Hill, I can also forsee a future for Bobby as a bonafide ladie’s man. Either way, it’s all good.
1203-1.png picture by plushied
To be safe, Hank & Peggy best say no to Palin. The Veep nom is not what you’d call “gay-friendly.”  Sure, she “tolerates” gays with all her heart while viewing them as an evil mutation that deserves the AIDS and the dark-alley beatings and whatever else might befall them before they meet their due deaths and are sent straight to hell. The Hills still believe in the American Dream and they want that for Bobby, who is their first born son and only child thanks to Hank’s narrow urethra. Bobby’s questionable sexuality wasn’t part of that dream back when the Hills were first dreaming and sure, they struggle. After all, who wants their child’s future to include those back-alley beatings or the disdain of piggish haters like Palin who want to keep them legally less-than. Yup. Who indeed?  
 
Hank4Obama-1-1.jpg picture by plushied

Sadly, the similarities between The McCain-Palin ticket and the animated Hill family are more than skin deep:

  • Peggy’s a (substitute) Spanish teacher whose Spanish is barely passable, but don’t tell her that! Peggy thinks she’s “mooey prolifico in talkito el Spaniard.” Sigh. All you teachers, your reward is in heaven. Peggy loves to play Boggle and the blame game. Peggy knows all about grrl-power and nothing about feminism. Peggy thinks if you can run your household, you can run the world. Peggy’s glasses suit her.
  • Cotton’s a rageaholic war monger. Cotton’s “cut off at the knees” and is proud to be an emotional cripple who barely knows his children. Cotton’s an abusive tyrant who thinks his military service excuses any and all bad behavior. Cotton’s led a long life of hard livin’ and when he dies, his legacy will be left in the hands of his unworldly concubine cum redneck youngin’. Cotton can’t get past what his enemies did to him during his vaunted military service. Cotton lacks class. He’s a sexist, violent ego-maniac whose old war stories are really getting old.

There are a few differences:

  • Peggy Hill may “tolerate” the gays now but that will change the minute Bobby Hill comes out of the closet, if not before. Peggy accepts Bobby as he is. If her son is gay, then Peggy will say that “gay’s the way to be.” I tell you whut. Even Hank, hard as he fights it, would accept his son and by proxy his son’s hubby. I spy Hank & Peggy — future members of PFLAG!
  • Cotton did not crash — is it 5 or 7?–  planes and then get himself captured. Cotton would never be captured. Cotton’s not a coward, but he is a lunatic. Good luck capturing Cotton. (In actuality, Cotton is even less alive then McCain and not just because he’s make-believe.)

No wonder Larry Flint cast Peggy as porn-star Palin in his latest political project Nailin Pailin!  And of course Cotton Hill starred as John McCain! An obvious choice. But poor poor Hank.  The things Hank saw while a tool-fluffer on Flint’s film! Now that’s XXX wrong. Argh! Burns the eyeballs! As if Hank weren’t already soured on the McCain-Palin ticket!

So Hank is voting for Obama. And Homer’s voting Obama too. Toons for Truth!

What’s funny in Arlen is not so funny in Washington.

What’s not funny in Washington is even less funny in my hometown and yours.

What happens in Washington does not STAY in Washington. Instead it “trickles down” (yea right) and leaves us damp and moldy. It makes like The Blob and oozes across state lines (bread lines?) Bubbles beneath door jambs, creeps into our homes. Bad decisions made by politicians become our problems. Make a list of your current ills and consider. Yup. I know. Bummer, isn’t it? Now think abroad, imagine the lists of others and how American politics has had a hand in that. Yup. Beyond bummer. Don’t let the 2008 election be your bad decision. 

Homer knows better, Hank knows better.

We know better.

Don’t we?

“Dub & Dumber” — a hip hop attack on W politics

Posted in I heart hip hop, I Heart My Love-Tribe, I like big butts & I can not lie, politics, Rock & Roll, Romance & Relationships, Sex & XXX with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 9, 2008 by alphabetfiend

After yesterday’s post about the similarities between McCain & Bush — “McCain in Bush’s Pocket, Playing Pool” — I got to thinking about how bad another Bush would really be. It would either kill is or burn us to the ground so we could start anew (an Alexander Cockburn perspective.) Quality of life since Bush took office has steady declined which is not about economics but about a collective broken heart. I decided to dig up this rap a la my hip hop alter ego Plush D.  Can’t take no more of Dub & Dumber!

Bush's White House is a perfect fit for wanna-be Dictator McCain

Bush's White House is a perfect fit for wanna-be Dictator McCain.

Dub & Dumber  (A Rhyme attack by Plush D. Pow!)

The White House casts a shadow on our home.

In this, I know I’m not alone.

Our rooms reverberate with riot.

Outrage, fear, fret.

No PEACE, no quiet.

Alla dis has got my baby on a bummer,

can’t take no more of Dub & Dumber.

 

Eight too-long years of crime & con,

the Ugly Duckling ate its swan.

They lit the wick,

they dropped the bomb,

blew countless homes asunder.

Can’t abide by Dub & Dumber.

 

TV, radio, dot.com

anxious obsession, defeated depression,

safe to say I miss him.

Tho beautiful, these beloved breasts are no distraction

from feuds & warring factions,

trumped up “weapons of mass destruction,”

ignorant assumption.

Today a fighter, once a lover.

Had my fill of Dub & Dumber.

 

Why is our Mr. President

massaging the shoulders of the German Chancellor?

Tho she cringes with discomfort,

he’s self-imposing as a cancer.

If Cheney shoots his friends,

how’d you like to be his enemy?

We need free

We need free

Fuck their careless tyranny!

It’s sick how they inflict such trauma.

We need free of Dub & Dumber.

 

Took a sunset cruise in the car,

got more sad news on NPR,

an old-fashioned luxury anyhow,

gas prices climbing like they are.

Cause killing is commerce,

gross insatiable blood thirst.

Their agenda always comes first.

How I long for the old days,

basking in his green-eyed gaze,

a softness where I used to laze,

felt so pretty, so safe, so warm,

but now his brow is war-torn.

The White House, a blackness in our home,

evicted, eviscerated, all alone,

windows rattle with foreboding thunder.

They’re murderers, them Dub & Dumber.

 

Babes in arms,

I used to be one, sigh.

Give a teenager a gun.

Good idea.

Fitful sleep, dream of sirens,

sweaty sheets, bloody palms.

We go along to get along.

I never agreed to this.

I never wanted this.

I said no to this.

I’m ashamed of this.

Raise yer hand if yer pissed.

Say  “MISSISSIPPI GODDAMN!”

But this shit aint never been about us.

When the rain pours down,

they let us drown.

Too busy killing to protect us.

They left that city to sink under.

Just can’t trust that Dub & Dumber.

 

I hate it,  all of it,

the sick & twisted gross of it,

suspicious recounts,

voters locked out,

nepotism like a virus.

Stole the god-forsaken office,

then forced a war upon us,

wielded fear like a weapon against us.

Terrorism!  A grenade of a word!

How could we have allowed this?

Tirades at TV!

Curses at computers!

Riled at Radios!

Stuck inside our own homes.

Suddenly everyone’s a loner,

isolation courtesy of Dub & Dumber.

 

He got a white house havoc in his heart,

after I fixed that shit up so nice, made it homey.

Used to lounge around in it,

genie in her bottle,

now it’s chaos something alful.

It’s cause he cares but still.

He naps, astral travels to Iraq,

that’s not exactly restful,

and less & less of him comes back.

Some kind of creepy death pact.

Got somethin’ to say,

maybe a goofy antidote about yer day?

Well, take a fucking number.

So goddamned sick of Dub & Dumber.

 

Eight too-long years,

titties sag, hopes lag,

and someone sez “if you don’t like it, leave.”

Please!

Stand up & call it bullshit!

Don’t be afraid to name it.

That’s what makes a patriot.

One more thing, I probably shouldn’t mention it —

but is mine the only  man whose lost his taste for bush?

 

C’mon lover, turn off the TV.

Now whaddaya see?

Baby, it’s me, Plush D.

Howzabout a little bed-in for peace?

All I am saying is give me a chance.

A lennon-esque healing,

a laying-on of the hands.

I’m yours, you yoko-ono me.

 

Gonna cast my vote for Obam,

maybe then I’ll get a little som-som,

ease the heartbreak in my home.

High time the White House had some hue,

a leader with audacious hope & high IQ.

Dub is done.

Impeach!

Impeach!

Impeach!

Peaches say, “IMPEACH!”

Peltz has cocked her gun.

IMPEACH! IMPEACH! IMPEACH!

I’m Peaches Peltz and I approve this message!

Homer Simpson Votes for Obama! (w/video)

Posted in Art & Culture, politics, TV with tags , , , , , , , , , on October 2, 2008 by alphabetfiend

Homer Simpson thinks it’s time for a change.

Grampa Simpson still likes Ike.

Even Homer is Ready to Move Outta the Dark Ages
Even Homer is Ready to Move Outta the Dark Ages

Despite Sarah Palin’s claim to be Miss Joe Six Pack, Homer Simpson is an Obama man. In leaked footed from an episode to air on November 2, Homer votes for Obama (or tries to) but the voting machine repeatedly changes his vote to McCain. When Homer cries in outrage, the machine eats him, drains his lifeblood and spits him out. An “I Voted” sticker is then plastered on his dome.

The Democratic Process ain’t what it used to be.  But then we already knew that.

Still, it’s great to see Matt Groening and Homer at least TRY to have their say.

I only hope that other beer-chugging Homers can do the same come voting day which is to look past race or Sarah Palin’s jugs. (Yesterday I posted two pieces, one titled “McCain Confesses to Dictator Aspirations” which is scary scary scary and the other titled “Nudie Palin Hangs (all) Out in Dive Bar” — needless to say, one of those posts got substantially more hits than the other.)

I’m excited to watch this episode of the Simpsons which has become an “American Institution” since the family made their first appearance on The Tracey Ullman Show in spring of 1987.  I wonder if this Homer Votes episode is their Halloween show?  Most likely… which means it’s gonna be AWE-some.  

This post is dedicated to my friends Vince Cowan & Dwayne Lavigne. Homer voting for Obama is a fine thing indeed. Open up an icy can of Duff. Sho nuff. Vote for Homer! Dop! I mean Obama!

 

Alphabetfiend is Dia VanGunten — a writer & wanna-be circus freak living in Austin, Texas.

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